Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Not a Mommy Blog, but...

At the tender of of 31, I have become a parent and this fact bears mentioning. I call the little guy "Squirmy" for obvious reasons and he weighed in at 7 lbs 11 ounces and despite no indication of above average height in my or the Beardocrat's genetics, he was an impressive 21.5 inches when he arrived.

Quote of the week:
Well, hello Squirmy, you're looking very Darth Vader without a helmet today, aren't you?
- Uncle Stewedslacker

Thursday, December 2, 2010

You Win... This Year

I love real Christmas Trees. LOVE them. Granted, I do think that you should go out to the woods and get your own rather than buying one, but that is just me.

The Beardocrat hates real Christmas Trees. HATES them (I actually don't know if he feels THAT strongly about it, but he did sketch a picture of a weeping Christmas Tree next to his fallen comrade with the title "Merry Christmas"). Last year Big Steve brought us a tree. This year there is no real tree. There is a crochet tree...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hello World, My Name is Turn Signal

I've mentioned in the past that I live by three schools. Two elementary schools and one high school. Two of those schools are charter schools. Now I have nothing against charter schools in theory or in practice. I DO; however, have MUCH to complain about the parents who drop their kids off at said schools. Why they all drive mini vans, I neither know nor care, but I DO care that the entire lot (no, not generalization-fact based upon observation as I am trying to drive to work each morning) of them have no concept of the turn signal.

For those avid readers of CPR who care about the history of the turn signal, wikipedia and I will break it down for you... they've been around a while and they are a great idea. Let me further break it down by saying that the ability to signal whether we want to go left or right is what separates us from beasts. Yes, the turn signal civilizes us. The turn signal transformed us into a polite group of people who are not only safe, but also considerate of others around them.

Note to any charter school parents reading this: DO NOT dodge and weave as though you are on a bumper car collision course. CHECK all rear view and side mirrors BEFORE darting into the street. USE YOUR TURN SIGNALS! For the love of all humanity USE THEM.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Love Letter

Dear Peggle:

I am so glad I met you. You make the world a better place.



Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A New Tradition

Today the snow fell in the valley. Sure, it was only a flake or two, and it didn't stick, but I could see it! This means it is time to break out the champagne glasses with snowflakes on them, and toast the first snow of the season. This is actually the first year we'll be attempting this tradition, but I like it. It works for a variety of reasons.
One, there are only two champagne glasses with snowflakes (the result of a secret work party gift exchange thing- I hope whoever got my re gifted picture frame thing was happy...).
Two, there are only two of us. How many occasions are the Beardocrat and I really going to have to use two fancy snowflake glasses?
Three, I am recently a winter convert. Having never particularly enjoyed the entire Winter Season (minus Christmas, of course, who can hate Christmas) I have acquired an appreciation of all things cold.
Four, we have that bottle of sparkling Peach juice just waiting for us to be underwhelmed by its 'meh' flavor.
Today is the day. Happy Winter, folks!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Flirty Aprons

As I was contemplating life on the way to work (and the fact that the cost of fixing Constantine's ujoint is more than my faithful little CR-V is worth) I saw a sign for Flirty Aprons. I own a flirty apron. It was a gift which I appreciate because I didn't have an apron and I actually use it. But I don't use it to flirt. I use it to cook. I am not sure what the benefit of having a flirty apron is over having a regular apron as I am not even sure who the apron would flirt with. If the purpose is to flirt with the menfolk... I am sure as long as they are getting dinner they couldn't care less about the type of apron utilized to make said dinner.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


It is no secret I am a music person. I've always been. A lesser known fact is that I am a jazz lover/hater. I got into Jazz in high school. Perhaps it was because I was recovering from an unholy 6 month period in Jr. High when I actually liked Country Music... but Jazz just hit the spot. All the pathos. All the longing. All the heartache. I still think that some of the best music about heartbreak can be found in the Jazz standards.

My love affair didn't end in High School. When I lived in Scotland there was this little pub called the Malt Shovel that had an amazing live jazz ensemble every Tuesday that played D'jango style jazz. They called themselves Swing 2004 at the time, but their name changed with the year. I had big plans of one day having them play some sweet tunes at my wedding... alas, I did not marry a Scotsman, and I think flying them over here would have been a BIT pricey.

Now, I feel it time to confess that I am seeming to hate Jazz. I've been searching for some really great current stuff, and I just can't find it. At least on this side of the ocean. There are a few British groups that are still producing good Jazz... but too much of it falls into the overly expirimental category or the too smooth elevator music category. The other day I was listening to an album that was supposed to be the greatest Jazz guitar ensemble in 20 years. Yawn. The whole thing was so disappointing. Back to my John Coltrane albums.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Boys v Girls Part II

I do adore boys. Having only brothers I feel like they are the bees knees. That being said, one area in which women will always reign supreme (the notable exception being Mr. C. Lance) is in the area of fact gathering...

Let me elaborate. The Beardocrat has a friend who we will call Jared (I am pretty certain Jared is oblivious to this blog, and feel no guilt about using his real name). Jared has been dating a girl named Katy (also real name)for a while. Occasionally, the Beardocrat and I go on dates w/ Jared and Katy. Even before Katy was a thought in Jared's head I pressured him for information about his dating life. I discussed his dating fetes and failures with him and would analyze all the data I received to assist him. Because that is what I do. I assist people who don't always want or require my assistance (a really great perk that comes along with being a girl!).

Once the Beardocrat told me he and Jared would be lunching together. I knew he could not be trusted to talk about things other than typeface, and design ethics, and stories about a mutually despised former co-worker, I sent him with a list of questions specifically designed to force Jared to reveal the details of his relationship with Katy. The Beardocrat just forwarded these questions to Jared in an email format. He didn't even bother to sneak them in during conversation!

They had another lunch post our most recent double date adventure and the Beardocrat again did not seek out the desired information. Boys.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Boys v Girls

I was people watching on my way to work today (hey, it happens) and spotted three boys about nine years old heading to school. The Beardocrat and I happen to live sandwiched in between two elementary schools, and a jr high/highschool so any which way I drive to work I am running into (not literally. Safety first people) kids. Anyway, this group of kids was having a spitting contest across the train tracks. I had to smile. I remember walking home from the bus stop with my older brother as he taught me how to 'gleek'. I still can't do it.

Compare that little vignette to when the Beardocrat and I had the misfortune of floating down a river with a gaggle of 10-12 yr old girls. There was a lot of unnecessary screaming, and over dramatizing and trying to get the attention of the 14 yr old boy in the group.

That being said, I am sure there are dramatic boys (hello, stewedslacker) and girls who aren't insane by the age of eleven. I just like to see boys being boys on their way to school.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

August 2010 Mix

I put together the music. Beardocrat put together the art. Download if you please.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Rockin R' Ranch

Once again, it has been proven, that you can take the girl out of Fruitland, but you just can't take Fruitland out of the girl. After a 15 year hiatus I found myself literally back in the saddle again. And it was great. I generally like to endorse things like butter on my blog, I feel compelled to tell you how everyone should visit the Rockin' R Ranch once before they die.
The owner (who happens to look exactly like the little old man on Up, including the square hands, walker, flashy hair etc) is actually named Burns Black. Could there be a better cowboy name? I assert, there could not.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Bad Borrower

The Beardocrat recently let me know that I am a 'bad borrower'... this came right on the heals of our annual frenzied clean (and yes, the Beardocrat and I disagree about clean... but that is another story for another time). I don't know that we have an annual clean, but let us just say, that our living quarters have not been up to my standards for quite some time. Hence the clean, where Alan added to my pile of "Things To Return".
These soft rumblings about my borrowings began at roughly the time we went on a little camping adventure with Big Steve and the Latin Fury et al. I took a book that Big Steve wanted to borrow from me, and a book that I'd borrowed from him and had finished, only to arrive home with the borrowed book still in our possession. This mystified the Beardocrat as both the books were in my suitcase together and in his reasoning it would have been just as easy to hand him two books instead of one... ah, silly boy. He has much to learn. Also on the Beardocrats lists of offenses is a hammer I have had for about seven years. In a major concession (because I, like Henry Clay, am quite the compromiser) I said I would talk to my friend, and find out if he has any ill feelings about the hammer. The following is an excerpt from that IM conversation.

MW: Also, that out of the way, Alan insists I return your hammer.
Yes, I have a hammer that I borrowed from you a million years ago.
Alan says I am a 'bad borrower' and I said that you probably don't even USE hammers that often in your private life, but he asserts it doesn't matter.
CL: I think about that hammer occasionally not that I care at all mind you. But sometimes when I am looking for a hammer I think about it and wonder if I got it back and just lost it or what.
I use them more than you would think, and it is always lost. But I have honestly moved on. Like my blue coat that was in fruitland for five years.
MW: Ha! But to be fair, no one knew the coat was yours. we kept wondering whose it was. Well, when you come back to the office, I will bring you the hammer, and two of your books that I have, and your Into the Woods, since it really is your year or two of custody.
CL: I think alan probably doesn't realize that I am an equally bad borrower, and that I am forgetful enough that I don't even remember having lent things out I had no idea you had books of mine. I think I may have one of yours
MW: You do, a William Thackary book, but that is neither here nor there.

Below you will find a list of all those borrowed items I have, and my theory about borrowing in general.

Hammer-belonging to Casey
The Thought Police (book)-belonging to Casey
Can't remember which Number One Ladies Detective Agency (book)- belonging to Casey
Into The Woods (dvd)-belonging to Casey, although we actually decided that we have joint ownership of this as Casey had my VHS Into the Woods for several years as well.
Jesus the Christ (book)- belonging to Dr. Merrell
The Blue Castle (book)- belonging to Dr. Merrell
Band of Brothers (dvd)- belonging to Marion (actually returned today, so I am not sure if I should even add it to this list, since it is out of my life)
Culture of Corruption (book)- belonging to Big Steve
Daria the complete series (dvd)- belonging to Jen and Mark although the Beardocrat technically borrowed this one. I was just with him at the time.
Guys and Dolls (dvd)- belonging to Abby
(note, I do not add Bride and Prejudice to this list because The Rage just dropped it off at our house one day without having been asked for it)

So there are a few items on that list, but to be fair, most of the people on that list currently have things they have borrowed from me. My philosophy on lending/borrowing is this. I would never lend you things if I felt that you were not going to permanently be part of my life, nor would I borrow things from you. I like to keep my lending and borrowing to that group of people who I feel that I will always see and know. Therefore, allowing me to return items at my leisure, because I don't intend to keep the aforementioned items forever... just for periods that stretch into years.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Another True Love

I grew up in a family that did not eat butter. We had margarine. Two of my brothers have PKU, so margarine was really the better choice. My OTHER brother has a strange aversion to any buttery spread and claims he can 'smell' when the margarine is anywhere near the table... okay... I digress. As a result, I never developed the love of butter that I could have developed along the way.

I ask you, all of you... have you ever TASTED butter? Really tasted butter? It is AMAZING. Thank you, Dr. Merrell for insisting that butter be kept in our apartment. You have given me something I need in the same way that I need bacon. You have opened my eyes to a whole new world, Disney style.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Hair Cut

Since my birth, my hair has been an issue. I've seen pictures of cherubic babies with a fake bow plastered to their adorable little heads... enter baby picture of me, fake bow ensnared in a tangled mass of something resembling thick seaweed. Yep, my hair. At first I played the game with my hair, I attempted to tame it, but eventually I had to concede that I fought the good fight and call it a day. But where am I going with this, you ask?

This Saturday I got a hair cut. I've gone to the same professional for my hair cuts for years, and she's never let me down. She always manages to make my hair look better than it has a right to. This time I asked her to cut it much shorter than usual. She graciously complied. She did show me what seven inches looked like, I think she doubted my resolve... at any rate, we did the cut and I think it looks great. Yep, no false humility here, the hair looks great. I got compliments. Stewed Slacker said it looked nice. The Beardocrat even said so...
Wait a minute! Then I remember, the age old hair cutting rule. NO ONE TELLS YOU YOUR HAIR CUT LOOKS BAD! I, myself, have been guilty of telling a girl I liked her hair cut when I REALLY thought it looked horrible. I mean BEYOND horrible.
And then I remember, this is still ME here, and I am narcissistic enough to like my hair independent of what others think.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Internet Etiquette Class 3- substitute teacher

All right class... as you can see, today we have a substitute who comes to us from the very special land of K-Can Alaska, where he hikes, he kayaks, and spends hours contemplating the meaning of life by watching his lava lamp. He also reports and fights crimes. In his spare time he teaches classes about the internet.
He brings to you Class 3: The Engagement

Yes, we know you are in love. Yes, there are times when we wouldn't
mind seeing you — dare I say it — kiss. However, those times are
extremely rare (the odds are better for the Detroit Lions to have a
winning season than for us wanting to see you kiss. For you non-
sports fans the odds are better that a guy not dragged to Twilight by
a significant other will say he liked the movie) and should be kept
from the online world.

So if you are planning to post engagement photos online, here's a few
rules to abide by:

• Never post a picture of you and significant other smooching,
canoodling, smacking or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
Even Eskimo kisses, are a no-no.

• Especially don't post pictures where one of you are hanging upside
down and you are kissing. In fact, make sure both of you are in the
same vertical direction.

• Make sure we can't see your tongue.

• No matching shirts, especially ones with flags on them; but please
keep your shirts on.

• No gimmicks. No peeking around the corner, hugging a tree or a pole
for that matter, and again stay right-side up.

• No pets, photographers, children, trucks, tractors, or other
inanimate object that could be construed as your second love.

• Stay out of wheelbarrows, the ocean, lakes and rivers for the shot.

• Guys, don't touch her butt for the shot. Gals, stay clear of the

• No cheesy jumping up in the air, and no strangling — fake or real.

Do's (There's only one):

• Post pictures where you both look like a happy, normal couple.
(please no fake smiles)

Follow these simple rules and you'll stay off the Facebook Page,
Awkward Engagement Pictures Rock My Socks. The link for that page is

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Half Asian Babies

Confession time here at CPR. I must say, of everything that I most enjoy in the world, few can assure my happiness like the sighting of an adorable half Asian baby... I LOVE them. I tend to like most all little/cute things. Baby ducks, kittens w/ tiny hats, otters, that sort of thing. Yet nothing, nothing, can get me like a cute half Asian baby. Full on Asian babies are cute, but the half Asians are lethal. Take our neighbors. She is from Taiwan and he is from... not necessarily sure, but the North American Continent portion that isn't Mexico. They have three children; Skyler, Bryce, and Summer. Skyler and Bryce are pretty funny in their own right, but they are not babies, even though they ARE half Asian. Summer, on the other hand, is almost TOO ADORABLE FOR WORDS. Am I gushing? I'm gushing... but if you saw this kid, you'd gush to. She has not yet mastered any form of coherent speech but she is very coordinated and SO smiley. So yes, people, if you see me out and about I will probably be pointing out cute half Asian babies to those who are with me.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Another Mix

Of all my good qualities (and they are pretty numerous) I will put my taste in music in the top ten. One of the reasons I decided that the Beardocrat and I could be more than friends was his monthly mix of great tunes. Sometimes when he gets lazy, he asks me "guest mix" for him. Some of my classics were May 2009, August 2009, February 2010, and let us not forget April 2010. I've decided in leu of anything to rant about I will post his mixes for your enjoyment. Download May 2010 here.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Confessions of a Pen Thief

Okay, I will freely admit that I have a problem. I began to notice this gradually, but today I can admit (with surprisingly clear conscience you may note) that I AM a pen thief. I noticed recently that whenever I go to church, I leave with one pen... return with that pen + 1. Once, when I was getting something in a drive thru (okay, yes, by something I mean donut and by drive thru I mean Krispy Kreme... but just so you know, they weren't for me, I don't even LIKE donuts) I was figuring that our transaction was completed, but the nice lady was still standing in the window with hand outstretched. As I looked at her with a confused shrug/wrinkled forehead face (I have perfected this look)and she said flatly, "My pen?" How embarrassing... I'd nearly stolen a pen from Krispy Kreme. Today, came the final chapter in my pen thievery. I ran across the street for a bagel (apparently my lunch, the orange, and 2 90 cal granola bars just WEREN'T sufficient today) and as I was walking away with bagel in hand, I noticed I had a pen as well. I thought, "That is odd, I didn't BRING a pen with me, nor did I sign anything..." And then I remembered. The lady was showing me something ON my receipt and I literally snatched the pen from her hand and made for the exit.
Does this make me a bad person? I don't know. Do I love pens? Not particularly. And if I AM a thief why can't I steal something valuable that has some resale potential? The Beardocrat would probably offer some theories into my psyche, but I will give you the latest self discovery. Apparently I like to have something in my hands. At all times. I did not know this about myself but it is true. It is either a pen, a phone, a scrap of paper, the Beardocrat's hand. I just like to have my hands full of stuff. So be for warned folks. Your pens are not safe if my grabby hands and I are near.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Lost Is Over

I don't like Lost. Most of you know this. I only keep up to ridicule those I love about their bizarre obsession with the show. I don't have issues with the fantasy of the thing. I've been known to get into the odd sci fi series or two... but I do take issue with cheap writing. I like to tease Lost fans about how the 'writers' (term used LOOSELY... trust me) have strung them along for an epically silly let down finale.

Seriously? All you need is love? THAT is the big take away? What a joke. And EVERYONE gets to heaven? Despite the fact that who have a group of murderers, thieves, adulterers, the list goes on and on, all seven deadlies are covered. But enough about that.

I normally wouldn't waste a precious post on Lost except for since the finale I have been having the most vivid dreams about how the show SHOULD have ended. Last night I had my fourth Lost Finale dream and thought I should share. This latest version included David Boreanez (that is right, of Angel and Buffy fame) having a tender goodbye scene with Kate. Apparently he'd been on the Island the whole time and now that they'd escaped back to real real life (not fake real life, like on the Actual Lost Finale) he had to go "take care of some things". Imagine he said this as cryptically as possible. To be fair to their dream acting, it was pretty stellar. Much better than the strange AND out of character/not properly built up goodbye scene between Kate and Jack during the Actual Lost Finale or ALF as it will henceforth be known. He then goes to some secret society that features robes, chanting, tribal tattoos. Here we discover that Sawyer, Jack, and Locke (real Locke, not Jacob's Nemesis Locke) are trapped on the Island and forced to fight each other Mortal Combat style. Weird Robed Society, Mr. Boreanez in particular, are controlling them and the island. Sadly, before any of the carefully set up conflict had resolved itself I woke up.

This dream joins the dream where everyone worked on the Island and it was a vacation resort a la that summer Saved By The Bell Season where people worked at a country club. The Island wasn't evil at all and everyone had really fun jobs. Kate and her parents ran a bed and breakfast. I believe Sawyer was a tour guide. It also joins the dream where Hurley was evil and had a secret base of operations where he controlled the evil Island. You had to get there via secret swimming pool entrance, and somehow Locke was trapped in a Volcano with Miles. I know. I am a vivid dreamer. But I am confident that ANY of my dreams would have been more plausible and better set up than the ALF.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Internet Etequette 101: Class 2 Part B

Ah, yes... the worst has happened. You and snookums have broken up. How could your three week passion burn out so quickly, especially after you plastered pictures of the two of you on every social media site you know, and dedicated several blog posts describing each romantic encounter in great detail? Ah, the great mysteries of life. Now is the time to regroup with a dose of IE 101. We will address this topic from the following angles, a 'good' break up, and a 'bad' break up.

The Good Break Up Scenario... right
Yes, I am skeptical but there are people that insist that some break ups are 'mutual' and sometimes there are 'no hard feelings'. Again, right. But if you are one of the .000001 % of the population that has actually parted on good terms, here are the dos and do nots to guide you during that awkward transition phase.
1- Respect the person's privacy.
This may be done by NOT stalking their blog and commenting on it. Same goes for facebook. Why? You ask. Well let me remind you, that moving from dating to being Just Friends, is not like being a normal Just Friends. You are always going to be the ex girl/boyfriend and whether or not you intend anything untoward, other people look at this and either think you can't let go, or that you are a stalker.
2-Be polite, but give proper space.
Since there are no good guys or bad guys in your hypothetical romance gone awry. There is no reason for you to be unkind or smothering. Even if this WAS a bad break up... there is no reason to be uncivil. Don't use social media as an outlet to analyze why your relationship didn't work out. Sure, the vulgarly curious will read the details (guilty) but ultimately relationships should never be public domain, and your take on things won't often mirror your ex's take on things.
1- Email/Text your 'friend' 24/7
You broke up! There is no reason to keep communication so open. If you work together, limit correspondence to work related matters. If you play on a sports team and need to send texts to everyone to remind them about this week's Ultimate Frisbee Tournament (I use 'sport' lightly and threw that UF in because the Beardocrat loves him some frisbee) by all means send it, but don't get personal. Chances are you probably have mutual friends (seeing that you decided to stay friends and not burn bridges all together... that is the only scenario I can imagine where this would indeed be a friendly parting) and combine group activities. That is okay, but don't try to slip in the "So are you dating anyone?" line.
2-Facebook flirty comments.
Basically the ONLY reason you would do this is to keep other people away or sabotage future relationships. Don't do this. It is immature and not worthy behavior for anyone.
3-Continue trying to 'friend' all of your ex's friends and family.
There is no need. That portion of your life is over. Let it go. Please, let it go.

The Bad Breakup Scenario... or as I like to call it, reality.*
So one of you wanted to hang on. One of you wanted to let go. One of you cheated on the other. One of you was a dirty rotten liar. One of you was only using the other. One of you was a con artist and/or bigamist. Yes, break ups can get ugly. Even if you were the innocent party to a horrifying break up (hardly likely, but okay, I am feeling generous today). Here are the dos and do nots to show you how to proceed with both class and dignity.
1-Remove him/her as a friend on facebook.
It is okay. It happens. No one with think less of you. You can also remove his/her family members and his/her friends that have no link or actual relationship to you except via your ex.
I really have to stress this because I find that people use the internet to be the biggest jerks to one another. Sure, some of you are saying, but aren't YOU a jerk for judging these poor people... yes, and no. I have what I believe is a standard for behavior, which I inflict on myself and honestly think the world would be a better place if other people behaved this way, but at the end of the day, MANY of my friends and acquaintances will not. Do I hate them? No. Do I publicly and/or personally attack them? No. This is why I stress being polite. If you go around using the internet to viciously attack your ex and air a list of grievances... well, it kind of makes YOU a jerk.
1- Post horrible things about your ex, his/her new girlfriends, or his/her friends and family online.
There is no reason to make an ugly break up even uglier. There is also no reason to be hurtful or humiliating to other people. IF your ex's current girl/boyfriend contacts you to clarify certain things that happened in your relationship, it is up to your discretion how to respond. If I were presented with this dilemma, I would try to respond dispassionately and unemotionally only about the facts.
2- Try to get everyone 'on your side' by telling your story all over town.
Chances are this only makes you look bad, and only shows that you are obsessed. Sure, you are going to want to let your good friends in on what happened. And sure, this might be a major help in getting over the whole fiasco, but the minute your find yourself going on at length to any mutual acquaintance about what a loser he/she is citing private relationship information, you've crossed a very clear line and you need to, Again. LET. IT. GO.
*In the event that your breakup was the result of Physical, Sexual, or Emotional abuse, or if these things were part of your relationship, seek the proper legal authorities and therapy.

My Break Up Story
Lest you think that I am all sorts of on my high horse without any experience in this matter. Let me share a little story with you about my own life. I was once dating this guy. He had a beard. He had artsy square glasses. Happily, he did not wear skinny jeans. This young (ish) man and I had a lot in common. 1-Love of obscure music 2- Aversion to marshmallows 3- Attachment to mountains. Were we MFEO? Yes, most certainly we were. Did I tell the world on facebook and my blog? Hades no! I am a private person. Well, this bearded paragon and I came to the point in our relationship where it was time to part ways. I'd parted ways with lots of people (granted, none with beards) and I thought I knew how it would play out. I had my escape plan-
1- Write lots of angry cryptic chick rock/folk music featuring various aspects of the relationship, but vague enough, and with catchy enough choruses to not OBVIOUSLY be about the Beardocrat. Check.
2- Delete him from my gchat contacts. Check.
3- Hide him on facebook and NOT go looking at his page. Check.
4- Stop reading his blog. Check.
Here is where it got tricky. The Beardocrat and I lived a stone's throw away from one another. We had mutual friends that we'd acquired as a couple. We were involved in the same church. A bunch of his friends and relatives had added me on facebook and vice versa. What to do and how to proceed? Well, I had my plans for 4-6 months after the breakup.
5- 4 months out do the grand 'friend purge' and get rid of his friends/family.
6- Limit social interactions with friends who I considered more His than Mine. This proved complex since we had friends that we'd met separately before we were dating.
7- Avoid locations where I knew the Beardocrat would show up.
8-Never, ever, EVER, speak negatively about the Beardocrat to anyone.
9-6 Months out, move to another location. That way I could THEN delete him as a friend and the relationship would truly be over, harmoniously.
Sure, it didn't exactly work out that way. The Beardocrat and I got married, instead. But, you can ask ANY of our friends and they will assure you that NEITHER I or my ex ex (current husband) enacted our mini drama in the public eye. That is why our friends and families welcomed when we got back together, and were excited when we got married. So folks, it can be done. You too can break up without being an idiot. Good luck.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Cookie Jar

Yes, this is a picture of the actual cookie jar that I own. He is a moose and he is holding a teddy bear while wearing a scarf. There is a Christmas package in his other hand. To finish, he is wearing a Santa hat. Yes, I am aware how ridiculous my cookie jar is, and unlike every other inanimate object in my life (car, lap top, guitar, etc) the cookie jar does not have a special name. When I initially acquired said jar, I did it only to infuriate several aunts who had their eye on it in one of those gift exchange/steal the gift games at a family party. I, personally, thought the cookie jar was ridiculous. I also never make cookies, so therefore highly impractical for my every day life... yet, I have to admit that there is something about this little moose that I have become ridiculously attached to. Even though the cookie jar rarely holds cookies (and when he does, the poor design only allows for a few cookies to actually sit in the jar without getting smushed by the lid) I insist on putting him prominently on my counter top. One day I'll get rid of him... but not any day soon.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Internet Etequette 101: Class 2 Part A-Dating

Okay kids, it is time for another class. This time we will be focusing on Dating which is why we need a part A and B to address the romance and inevitable break up and how to conduct yourself throughout with both dignity and class.
Yes, young love is in the air and of course you want to share it with the world, namely your 742 bestest friends from facebook, and what better way than to update your status, update your profile picture, and write gushy/semi salacious comments on your significant other's wall...
Sadly the internet has taken romance back light years to Jr. High when you thought everyone cared that you had held hands on your local school bus. No one cared then, and most of your 742 friends are not interested now. Here are some handy guidelines for internet usage while you are dating.
Rule #1: State you are indeed 'In a relationship'
I feel that it is best practice to let people know that you are in a relationship, especially if you use social networking sites to troll for men/women. This is up front, honest and pertinent information. You are not required to tell us who you are dating, if you don't feel like it. I was mutual friends with a couple who had dated and been dating for a few years. They never felt the need to update, most of their friends knew who they were dating and according the the male half of said relationship "Anyone who doesn't know who my girlfriend is, is probably someone who I wouldn't want stalking her on facebook, anyway." Conversely, I knew another couple who were dating, she blissfully announced who she was dating, but he never had the courtesy to update his status to show that he was dating her. I think we all see where I am going with this. He would add friends continually and did not want them to know that he was off the market... crash, and burn, to that touching relationship.
Rule #2: Do not post pictures of 'The Kiss'
We SO don't care. My friend has a theory (which I sadly witnessed first hand at a production of Fiddler on the Roof, recently) that only ugly people engage in over-the-top PDA--when I say over the top, let me clarify, anything that would be inappropriate to do in front of children, or your grandma. A nice kiss here and there, some hand holding, the ole arm around... no harm there. But when you are going beyond that level, you have something to prove. Just like the uglies, making out to show that they could, indeed, find someone to mate with. Congrats to them, but not something I want to watch-- Therefore, don't update your profile pic to a gratuitous picture of the two of you kissing. You are trying too hard, and yes, I am judging you.
Rule #3: Keep it simple and don't reveal 'Too Much Information'
We've established at this modern day and age everyone has a blog and everyone wants to share every single detail with the world... when you are dating, this is tricky. Sure, you've just met that special guy/girl who convinces you that you don't utterly hate humanity as a whole, and you want to share that. I get it, and I hate to crash the wonderful bubble which you and 'the one' have insulated yourselves against reality, but most relationships do not work out. I'd give you a statistic, but most statistics are manipulated, and I think more of you, dear regular readers of CPR, than that. Just trust me, of the people I dated, was interested in, stalked, was stalked by, etc, I only ended up marrying one of them... and that is as it should be. Using the assumption that you are all reasonable adults and would one day like to settle down with ONE person hoping that it works out, I say, use some common sense people. Show some respect for yourself and that future ONE PERSON by not plastering your blog, facebook, twitter etc with information about your current boyfriend/girlfriend that no one needs or wants to know. Please, do not ask for examples, because I could rip them from blogs and status pages and it would be embarassing to both you and I. Just trust me on this one. Less is more. Personal things should probably go to that personal recepticle you call your 'journal' or your 'poetry notebook' or your 'angry chick guitar ballads' (yes, I am talking about myself here). Leave the rest of your image nice and clean for any other person who might want to date you in the future when you and snookie pie inevitably break up.
I have been posed several questions that I will touch on but that didn't merit specific rules.
What about internet dating?
I honestly have no idea. I have never found the need myself, though understand why others have chosen that avenue. I would be highly skeptical of ANY information listed on any dating site including/but not limited to profile pictures and liberal use of the phrase 'athletic physique'. Be cautious, and above all, discriminating.
Should I add my girlfriend's family as friends?
Ummm... I wouldn't, but depending on the situation it might be 100% okay to add or accept friendship invitations from the family of the person you are dating. Just be aware, we will be addressing this during part B.
Is facebook/blog/twitter stalking acceptable?
Hmm... I am torn. On the one hand, knowledge is power, on the other, seeking that knowledge makes you look desperate, but you might be desperate so it is really your call. I think people fall into the trap of LIVING via the new social media/networking as opposed to having real conversations with people face to face, and I think that is dangerous. I think we lose something in a relationship when you are having a casual conversation with someone who you have previously stalked and you ask "What is your favorite book?" already knowing from various stalkings that it is none other than Peyton Manning's new tell all football book. It just seems contrived and false. That being said, I love nothing better than facebook stalking people that I am not even remotely interested in because then I never have to bother hearing about the Paris vacation. I have seen the pics and read their blog. Done and done.
Stay tuned for Part B. I have also enlisted some guest bloggers to go through what an engagement should look like, and also usage in the professional sphere.

Monday, April 5, 2010

A New Member of The Family

Yes, this little guy is the newest member. I am an amateur photographer at best. I once took a photo of the Beardocrat's eye that was AMAZING... perhaps I should post it for your enjoyment... but realistically I like to separate the professionals from the hobbyists. Prepare to be angered but it is the truth.

There are the professionals... this guy for example. Not only is he super talented and a nice guy, but he is a professional. He gets paid good money for what he does and he is in demand. Photography is his talent, and his passion. He knows technique and is more than just a person with a nice camera who can focus and adjust the aperture or F stop.

Then there are the amateurs (I'd link to my cousin's blog, but her feelings would be hurt if she should stumble upon this). Amateurs have nice cameras, know how to tinker a bit, and have a passion for photography. I have no problems with this. I think it is actually great to see the world as a beautiful place and want to capture that. I, myself, am somewhat lower than an amateur. I am actually going to take a photography class to elevate myself to amateur status.

My disdain arises when amateurs try to pass themselves off as professionals. Anyone can set up a blog these days and I could show you dozens of websites composed of amateurs that are charging for professional photography services. Again, I have no problems with people taking pictures of their friends kids as a favor, or taking pics at a wedding as a favor, but when people start charging for a sub par product... my ire (yes ire) is unleashed. (Big Steve, how much did you charge to take the pictures for the Tabiona High School Prom in the early 80s? For shame! At least, I hope you charged...)

Thursday, April 1, 2010


My enemy... my friend. *sigh

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


The other evening, I had an interesting conversation with the Beardocrat. It was about the pictured individual, who I liked to call "Mayor of the Town". Many of the people I know have a sick fixation with Lost and so I tease them relentlessly. (I was writing an open letter to the writers of Lost, but I figure that they were probably to busy breaking all the rules of middle school creative writing fundamentals to bother with my humble epistle, so I have yet to post THAT on this blog.) A friend pointed out a hilarious blog that I have been reading in order to supplement my Lost knowledge and I found last week's post about the Mayor of the Town's background to be hysterical. But I digress, the Beardocrat and I were talking and he said that the Mayor of the Town IS a good actor, and I said that he'd been in tons of stuff, but when pressed I could come up with nothing. So today, I journeyed into the depths of IMDB and discovered that Mayor of the Town has a name, and it is Nestor. He starred as the Mayor in the Major Motion Picture Dark Knight.

During my investigations IMDB informed me that his trade mark is "very dark eyes". Why I find that funny... I have no idea he even had the audacity to claim that, " not only does he not wear eyeliner, mascara, or makeup of any kind to make his lashes and eye line appear as dark as they do, but the makeup artists for "Lost" actually use concealer on his lashes and under his eyes to try to tone down the natural darkness of his eye line." He even said his dark lashes caused him much distress as a child... So what is your verdict... guyliner or 'very dark eyes'.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Why I am Done with the Festival of Colors

What is the Festival of Colors, you ask? It is apparently a religious ceremony of my Krishna friends. I've gone for a couple years now, but this year I decided that I am breaking up with the Festival for good. Why, you ask? Well, here we go.

1) this is a religious ceremony, attended by about 98 % college students who are there to get rowdy and throw colored corn starch on one another. Inevitably, every year I attended, some ridiculous (dare I say, UVU student) kid would be disrespectful and start throwing color well before the appropriate time in the ceremony.

2) the weather is usually not the warmest which means that you kind of freeze.

3) each and every BYU/UVU student comes and each brings a car. Hence parking is a total joke. I discovered early on that the freeway was no way to go, and would arrive via hwy 6... but you still have to park miles out and march in.

4) I am no longer 25. I find that since I've seen the spectacle a few times, it is basically the same thing every year.

So, goodbye, Holi Festival. It was real. I still support you. I still think people should attend to see what it is about and learn a bit if they can, but I just won't be there.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Girls' Night Out

Pre marriage I never really understood the point. I lived with girls from the second I left the Latin Fury's nest ( the Latin Fury and I are conspicuously the only females in my immediate family). We had night ins all the time. Why would I need to go out with them, too? Girls' Nights Outs* were the kind of thing that girls who were obsessed with their boyfriends and spent every waking minute with them needed to do when their boyfriends a) went out of town or b) were infected with The March Madness. At least that is what I thought.

But I would like to pose a question: Have YOU ever tried watching a theatrical musical performance with a Bearded Man whose interest in musicals is limited and best (and hostile at worst???)? Let me assure you, sometimes the Girls are needed to fully appreciate the joy that is FOTR.

* the punctuation choice clearly shows that there are multiple girls and the night belongs to them

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Five Years and Going Strong

Yes, it is five years and going strong. But not living strong like those cheap yellow bracelets. Remember those? What ever happened to that trend? I am referring to my journey into the world of blogging. It all started in 12 March 2005. And what a lovely 5 years it has been. I feel like an auspicious event like this should have some sort of best of, or some sort of favorite commentator award... but I got nothin'. I was looking back over the old blog and seeing how much my perspective has changed since I began this blogging adventure. I've grown a little older, a smidgen wiser (but I must admit, I felt pretty wise when I started this thing), but have decided that I am not a cynic, I'm a realist. Ah, the enlightenment that comes after five narcissistic years of throwing out my mundane thoughts to the world. And by world, I mean CPR's two regular readers.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Will Yulissen

So I got an interesting email yesterday from Will, according to the subject line, we are long lost friends. I was intrigued, because I know all of my long lost friends (most of them lost for very specific reasons) and there isn't a Will Yulissen in the bunch.

I am about to post the whole subject of said email, but a little back ground is in order. I work for the State Government. Recently our division has undergone some pretty (how can one say ill advised politely?) interesting changes. The current head of the division has zero experience in actually working for State Government and comes from a lobbyist back ground. Do not get me started on lobbyists, that is another story for another time... her two right hand men also have little experience in the public service realm. At any rate, on our secure intranet, we used to have a comment box where people could anonymously vent their frustrations. I wasn't a regular reader because I have other things to do at work... (Blog, perchance?) but my friend often would tell me to go check out something in the box. The comments were mostly ridiculous, but every now and then there was some gem that brightened my day. Several months ago the comment box suddenly disappeared with a very special note from upper management that said it was too negative. Ah... I laughed. I will now enclose the email from Will.

We are a group of workers that have come together under a common goal. For many years we have enjoyed our jobs. Some of us have been here long enough to remember paper and some of us have recently arrived. We are very aware of the suffering economy and the challenges it creates and we whole-heartedly applaud management’s gallant effort to navigate our department through treacherous waters of change. Indeed, we are grateful for our jobs and the comforts and stability they provide.
However, it has come to our attention that some workers are not happy. In fact, we have heard that many workers have experienced worry, stress, and illness. For a select few, the stressful environment has been life altering. Why does it seem that some members of management are having difficulty comprehending how miserable we have become? The words “disconnected”, “apathetic”, and “disingenuous” begin to take on new meaning as we try and fathom how dreadful our world has become.
We encourage you to join us in our new effort. Take a moment and anonymously post your concerns on We are tired of being afraid to speak out and honestly express ourselves. We are cognizant of the disapproval and maltreatment that comes when authentic concerns are shared. In addition, we are prepared if management decides to block this site because they do not wish to read “pessimism”. Feel free to email us at and post comments from home if the site becomes restricted.
We genuinely appreciate each of you. We hope that our jobs become manageable soon and promise to do whatever it takes to bring the needed relief. Let us know if you have any questions.
Will Yulissen

Sure enough, I checked and the State had blocked all blog sites! Then later in the day blogs were available again, but not the illusive DWS COMMMENT BOX. Sadly I haven't been able to see "Will's" creation, but I can not wait!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Internet Etiquette 101: Class 1

Ah, the world wide web... all the joys it brings, and all the grossly unimportant information I have gathered during my daily web visits. I like wikipedia even though it isn't a source despite what those sixth graders at the science fair I judged thought on the subject. I like stalking random acquaintances that I don't really care about via facebook. And yes, I love perusing the occasional blog (except for those that have automatic music players. I don't care how great you think your musical taste is, you should not inflict it upon others who are caught unawares). Despite all the joy that the Internet has given me... it has also given me immeasurable sorrow. It pains me, PHYSICALLY PAINS ME, when I see people who use the anonymity of the internet to share too much information... and trust me, there is such a thing as too much info.

Some friends and I were recently talking about this and we have decided that an Internet Etiquette class should be taught as soon as children can get their chubby fingers on the keyboard (I am referring to my own finger girth as I child, I do not pretend to know anything about the finger girth of my two regular readers... hi Mom). Sincerely, this is a topic for which I have VERY strong opinions and could go on and on and on. Happily for you, I will not. Every now and again class will be in session and we will be studying varying aspects of what IS and ISN'T appropriate online.

Today's class: Birth

In this session we will talk about the types of information and pictures that are acceptable to post on facebook/twitter/myspace(does anyone do myspace anymore, ps?) and on your blog.

1- NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do I want to see your slimy offspring and their umbilical chord. Never. Under no circumstances is this okay. If you want the pics for your family album to show Uncle Will who comes over for afternoon tea... whatever. But DO NOT POST those things online. I could give you many logical and illogical reasons, but let us settle on this, your slimy baby is gross.

2- NO UPDATES VIA FACEBOOK STATUS MENTIONING ANATOMICAL ISSUES RELATED TO BIRTH. That is right, the words centimeters, and diameters, and ovulation, should be omitted. The only one that cares is your husband/boyfriend, your mom, and maybe your nosey aunt. Limit those facts to them. The rest of us will be fine without that information. Also, the decision to breast feed or not to breast feed is a private one which I don't need to read about.

In lieu of doing falling into errors 1 and 2, here are some acceptable and appropriate alternatives.

a)Pictures of the happy birth AFTER everyone is cleaned up and appropriately clothed.

b)Pictures of the baby looking cute a few weeks after birth (again with clothes, we will be teaching a special session for all you mommy blogger offenders out there titles, THIS KID WILL GROW UP: BE RESPECTFUL OF HIS/HER PRIVACY NOW).

c)Birth announcement posted online. Tasteful picture and pertinent facts, nothing about mommy yelling like a banshee for an epidural.

d)Status update examples.

Sunny Moon Smith was born today at 6:15. She weighed 7 lbs is x amt of inches and everything went well.


Wahoo- I am a father!

On our way to the hospital to have our 5th kid. You know, the usual.


There you have it folks. Your first class. Please realize that scenarios 1 and 2 are so prevalent that I did not make up or exaggerate the circumstances. I could give you particular instances, but my mother taught me to be a Lady. And in this instance, I will actually try to be one.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Small Towns

Okay. I was brought up in a SMALL town. A ridiculously small town... a town so small, that your small town would be a bustling metropolis by comparison. If you go to googlemaps and look at the street views of Fruitland, Utah, you will see pictures of sage brush and the odd lake or two. Funny, but entirely accurate. I didn't mind spending my formidable years in a town where there was only one other person my age, or where the neighbors felt the need to alert my parents of any missteps in etiquette and adherence to the speed limit (I forgive you, Mary Baum). As a result my brothers and I are all relatively well adjusted adults with superb imaginations and the inability to be bored.

Even though I currently reside in suburbia (despite our proximity to Yaks and Alpacas), I appreciate the small town ideals with which I was raised. This weekend the Beardocrat and I dropped in on the folks for some birthday cake and some snow shoeing, and I was again reminded of how great my crappy small town is.

My mom is Chiliean (hence the Latin Fury moniker) and a majority of her family lives in Chile. Early Saturday morning the earthquake that hit Concepcion Chile made the news. All day long my parents received calls from concerned neighbors asking if our family was okay. Doug Robinson, who I doubt has spoken a total of ten sentences to my Mom in his whole life, was one of the first to call. THAT is why I love Fruitland. Would I ever return to live? Oh heavens no, but I appreciate a place where people still care enough about others in the community to call or drop by offering sincere condolences. If everyone acted like they were raised in Fruitland, the world would indeed be a better place.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Open Letter

Dear Pigeon-Toed Girls:

Please do not wear skinny jeans and ballet flats.



PS- Also, if you have a hammer toe... sandals are also a bad idea.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Gum Tester

On occasion, Okay very often, I love to try the new gum flavors. I can't seem to resist buying a new pack each time I am in the grocery checkout. I have my favorite gum (Orbit! Any of the mint combinations that don't involve a fruit), but I am always curious about the new flavors. As a result I have been burned in the most disgusting ways (I am looking at YOU Orbit Pomegranate, and YOU Exotic Berry). I try to stop, but it is one of the things I love.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

A Good Mix

Continuing my happy-go-lucky theme for February of things I love... good music is right up there on that list, particularly a good mix. You see very lovely artwork for a February 08 mix Bitter/Sweet compiled by the Beardocrat and yours truly (in a limited capacity as the Beardocrat admitted that he was unwilling to pay my hefty consultation fee). Bitter/Sweet represents all that is great in art and Music. The Beardocrat designed the cover work and selected the songs and I still listen to that mix on a regular basis. Happily, you can download the two disk compilation!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Smell of Laundry

Can I help that the smell of laundry being washed and dried is WONDERFUL? No, I can't. It is the only thing that makes actually DOING laundry bearable. The types of perfumes I enjoy are those that boast of a 'clean linen' smell, or 'mountain spring', or other laundry related scents. When I was little, the Latin Fury would hang the sheets on the line and I would run through just smelling them. I have had to restrain myself somewhat as an adult, but I am sure heaven will smell like someone is doing a load of Laundry with some Spring Fresh detergent/fabric softener.

Nicknaming Things/People

Yes, I must confess that I love to nickname people, places, and things. Nouns if you will. I was probably born with this particular quirk of character and have been nicknaming since I was a wee one. I've had my own share of nicknames through the years and hope to have more as time passes on. Here is a current list of some of my favorite nicknames.

Potato Face- this nickname serves a) the particular phenomenon of a type of round shaped face. I find it hard to describe but I know it when I see it. It is actually complementary as I also really like potatoes; b) a smallish nursery age child who lives across the street from us and dressed as a vampire for Halloween.

Skindependent- This is a play of the nickname Beardocrat given to my very own Beardocrat to honor his facial hair and political affiliation at the time. Well, he shaved, and became an Independent, so I had to update Brad's ingenious nickname.

Audrby- This is my sister-in-law whose name I didn't know for a long time. I couldn't tell if it was Aubry or Audry, so I combined them... and Wa-la!

Skinny McSkinnerson- This was my nephew's nickname for a while. His brother is Chunky McChunkerson. The joy is, there are no ends to this nickame.

Two face- This is the phenomena that certain actors and regular people of being attractive when looked at from one particular perspective, but from a different angle look fairly ordinary. Examples of the two face are Antonio Banderas, that guy who plays Jack on Lost, and most of the actors the tweens are fawning over these days.

Scandrew/Fandy- This nickname is about a friend ALSO nicknamed Freakishly Tall. Fandy is a shortened Fat Andy, and Scandrew is Skinny Andrew. Fandy was an accident, as this person is not fat and he only goes by Andy when in Smithfield and Fruitland.

The Latin Fury- Technically stewedslacker thought this one up, but it sticks. That name goes out to my own dear madre.

I have a whole list of work nicknames, church nicknames, and friend nicknames. But those are for another place and another time.

Monday, February 8, 2010


This might come as a bit of a shock to you, but I adore owls. Yes. I do. I have no idea why. Once in fifth grade I wrote an epic masterpiece called "Owls". It was pretty much paraphrased information from the encyclopedia, but I thought it was genius. I particularly like these little ones (and those on the night skiing billboard).

Bionic Eyes

Lasik Hurt. Anyone who says it doesn't didn't have their cornea burned off. That being said, the bionic eyes are wonderful. WONDERFUL.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Hound's Tooth

Yes, I love me some Hound's Tooth material. I am going to be honest. I do not recall owning (or ever having owned) anything made from Hound's Tooth. But as far as material names go, Hound's Tooth wins every time. Say it to yourself. Hound's Tooth. Hound's tooth... it just rolls off the tongue. And where did it originate? Scotland. Go Scots! Not only do you bring Paisely and Tartan to the mix, you also gave us Hound's Tooth.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

You Can Take the Girl Out of Fruitland...

But you can't take Fruitland out of the girl... I promise. I HEART Patsy Cline, and all Classic Country Music. Yes, CLASSIC. Nothing (much) after 1980 strikes my country fancy. But in honor of Valentine's Day I am posting about things that make me smile.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Public Enemy No. 1: Family Window Decals

Frankly speaking, I don't care how many people are in your family. And I don't care about Snickerdoodle, the family dog. I am also not interested in your hobbies. In the spirit of pure mischievousness, the Beardocrat once suggested we get the Apple Logo and the Hewlett-Packer Logo to respectively show the divisions within our own little union. Happily, he was only joking. I don't know who started this annoying trend, but I will welcome the day that it stops.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Tales From The Supermarket Pt. 3

Occasionally I care about the environment. Not all the time and not consistently, but I am a conservationist so every now and again I think of what I can do to make the world a better place. I also hate the plastic bags they give you at the grocery store. These two thoughts combined into a brilliant plan... I would purchase a few eco safe bags and problem solved! Right?
Wrong. Oh, I bought the bags and they are great... so great that I have never actually taken them with me when I go grocery shopping, and it has been over a month. For a while they lived in my pantry. Then, at the suggestion of a kindly Beardocrat, I moved them to the car in the hopes that I would actually remember to use them. I haven't been shopping since they actually made their way to the car. Here is hoping that one day, these bags will actually see the inside of the supermarket.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


For the first post of 2010 I'd like to relate an experience I had last evening. I was at the gym treadmilling away, kind of angry that one of my headphones decided to abandon me on mile 2, and annoyed that the place was packed. January is always like this at the gym. All those people with their good intentions to shed those holiday pounds. September is like that as well, because the students come back and forget that they are going to stop working out after two weeks when it gets in the way of their studies, flirting, tv watching... you know, life stuff. But enough about September, back to 2010. I have been able to note these ebbs and flows because I became a gym member back in 2006. Up until decently recently I went 6 days a week, sometimes twice in one day. Then recently hit...

And all the sudden I realized, I am one of them! I AM ONE OF THE JANUARY GYM PEOPLE!!! So help me. At my peak, back in my physical peak (April 2008, pre Lasik Surgery) I weighed in at 132 (not ashamed) solid muscle. Oh that is right. Solid. Muscle. Regular readers of CPR might be surprised to note that I was the proud posessor of 17 body fat percentage. Yeah. That is athlete range for females. ATHLETE. Are you with me people? I was the bees knees! I was 'the stuff'. I WAS A CONTENDER, for crying out loud! My personal trainer, Sgt. Kelly (love name) called me 'The Athletic One".

Oh how far we descend. Look at me now, huffing away with the January gym people firmly resolved to come regularly and shed my holiday pounds. Stg. Kelly would be very angry. Lets see what a few good months of Kelly style workouts will do.

I hope this doesn't mean I will have to give up the cookies...