Wednesday, December 24, 2008

A Christmas Miracle

Regular readers of CPR and friends realize that I am generally a chipper soul. Despite the name and avowed purpose of the blog, I usually feel content about life. This Christmas Eve; however, I woke up thinking about gifts that I had not yet purchased, a car that needed to be cleaned, packing that hadn't yet been dreamed about, in addition to a drive to the Homestead that would only lead me to certain portions of my family. In short... I have been dreading Christmas vacation for a while. To add to my very evident chagrin... I was elected to work. I generally volunteer for this sort of thing because I feel badly about taking people away from their children, but this year I didn't want to exercise charity. As I sat at my desk typing away furiously my cell phone rang. The following call is true:

Me: Hello (imagine slightly annoyed voice as I do not LOVE personal calls at work... but since I had taken one from said individual the day before, I felt like a slight hypocrite).
AF: Hey, are you in the need of Christmas spirit?
Me: (suspicious) Why?
AF: I am going to drop off the Sub-4-Santa stuff and wondered if you wanted to come along?
Me: Are you serious? You haven't done that yet?
AF: They wanted it done today.

In short I ended up taking my lunch break and heading over to Springville with a car packed full of gifts serenaded by the Garth Brooks Christmas Album ( I don't like his music, but he has a lovely voice). AF was pumped about the prospect of seeing the family, but I will admit to being less thrilled. As we pulled up to the trailer, I found myself wondering how eight people could live in a double wide trailer... And when we knocked I was slightly nervous about what I would possibly say to them. Imagine six little kids crowding the door and thankful parents. I don't want to get all Latin Fury on you, but I am a little weepy as I type this blasted post. They were genuinely wide eyed and in no way cynical. The phrase full of a "brightness of hope" comes to mind.

I suppose this is my way of saying Merry Christmas, and thanks to the many friends who have made this year awesome. It has been truly wonderful and next year promises to be even better.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Because you demand it...

Time for an update, why? Because you demand it. Well, at least Casey demands it.

Okay... Now I have to kill 50 minutes...
M: I actually have work, but all of it requires a lot more than 50 minutes.
I suppose I could get a few reviews in order...
C: or alternatively you could blog.
M: But do I have anything of import to blog about?
C: You could blog about the erosion of capitalism and the proposed auto bailout and bush's abandoment of conservatism. . . Or you could blog about the five reasons you like having curly hair.


So these are my top five reasons I like having curly hair.

1- I can straighten it. When the mood strikes I CAN take the time to straighten it. Alternately, some people with straight hair can't make theirs curly. True and sad story.

2- Wind doesn't bother it. In fact, sometimes I have been out in the wind and people think it looks nice. Little do they know, it doesn't.

3- The rats have an instant nest. Sometimes rats need a place to lay their heads, and boy do I have one.

4- When I am in the middle of meetings that are not pleasant, I can always pull on my curls. I watch them straighten, then release them and say "Boi-oi-oing" under my breath. People with sleek, smooth, straight hair really do not have this option.

5- Camping doesn't affect me. Curly hair is not phased by camping. It always looks messy.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Another Bill Wrigley Update

So, it may come as no surprise, Nursing Home Quarterly Meetings have evolved into events where I get to observe the magnificence that is Bill Wrigley. This is what I learned during NHQ this morning (well worth the drive...):

Bill is RETIRING this January. That is right. I will no longer have any reason to go to NHQ. Well, technically I will still have reason to go, as it is my job (although, without Bill... is there any reason to stay?), but I will have nothing to do during NHQ.

Bill always wears the hat. For a while I thought that it was a summer thing. No. The hat accompanies him everywhere.

Bill has an iPhone. So the man who couldn't figure out how to print out a case barcoded form from Content Manager suddenly knows how to work the iPhone... interesting.

Bill thinks I am funny. Truly. I was taking note. I only made two comments during the meeting. Both of these were slightly sarcastic, and Bill let out a genuine (albeit reluctant) laugh at each. He didn't crack a smile for the rest of the meeting. Although I do not know why because pre-paid funeral plans, and VA pension benefit breakdowns are generally thought to be very merry subjects.

So I am now looking for a new Bill Wrigley to fill the void. His replacement was at NHQ and showed a certain promise when he refused to shake my hand because I have a cold... we'll see.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Acceptance


As regular readers of CPR know, I lose my keys often. They also know that stewedslacker, my relative, recently got engaged to be married. How are these concepts linked and why do they matter?* Well, I know it will come as a great shock, but I have never had a high degree of faith in relationships. Particularly ones instigated by members of the Sweat family. The Sweat men seem to disregard logic and rush headlong into whatever emotional pursuits are on hand, while the lone voice of reason--that would be me in this narrative--exercises caution to the point of paranoia to avoid emotions on any level. Neither of these approaches have proved successful, if you measure success in terms of eternal happiness. So when stewedslacker announced that he was getting hitched, I thought to myself "Here we go again".


I have approached the affair with skepticism and outright sarcasm at different points while torn between a desire to be supportive and a need to speak my mind. Now, of all strange occurances, I find acceptance. Yes, acceptance. Close your gaping jaws, and listen. A wise(ish) man, creator of Simsism once told me that I needed to have faith that stewedslacker would make good decisions. (This was a novel concept as stewedslacker was dating Yoko at the time, and I think we all remember how fun that was.) Yet, I have always doubted. Well, a few days ago at 24hourfitness (shameless plug) stewedslacker gave me the metaphorical key to acceptance.


Simply, he said he missed Malu, and that being away from someone you love is like missing your keys. It is as though your keys are lost and they are always in the back of your mind. And you spend your time living, but you always wonder about where they are, and would really like them with you. Now, as I said before, I lose my keys A LOT. I know this feeling very well. I know what it feels like to see your keys staring up at your from the couch cushions or pocket or floor where they have been hiding. I still believe that even though life will be difficult for anyone making big committments; life will especially be difficult for stewed slacker and Malu, as they have lots of difficulties that the average every day couple will not encounter. But I have come to accept that if someone feels that special 'missing key way' the only thing to do is take the risk. So, stewedslacker, best of luck. I will help how I can.


*Thank you Pacmis computer system for shutting down yet again, and making my work day into one long internet fest.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Cleve

I have been meaning to blog about Cleve for ages. Cleve calls me kiddo. Occasionally Cleve brings me chips and salsa. (Cleve is unaware that I really don't like corn chips. I mean, they're okay, but not exactly my thing) Recently Cleve sent me this email:

Hey thanks kiddo.. got it and its all taken care of.. have a great weekend..
Moi


I hope you noted the farewell. Yes, I believe that is a kissy noise, folks. If Cleve wasn't old enough to be my father and 'living with someone', I might be concerned. As it is, the whole situation walks that delicate tightrope between creepy and endearing.

What truly fascinates me about Cleve is his office superhero power (mine is to curl the phone chord and my nametag into tangled mess in an instant, but more about that some other time). Cleve breaks any printer he touches. I do not exaggerate when I say that he has broken our printer at least twelve separate times since we have moved to this office. He has taken to coming in early in the morning and hoping no one catches him at it, but if our printer is acting up during the day we all know who the culprit is.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"Nothin' burns like an effigy" -Homer Simpson


That is right, folks. Guy Fawkes Day is upon us again. I thought it appropriate to remember a little "Gunpowder Treason and Plot" in light of recent political events in our own country. I may have blogged about Mr. Fawkes before, but why not once again. Essentially Mr. Fawkes was a Catholic in England when things were dangerous for Catholics and Protestants alike depending upon the whims of their current monarch. Fawkes wandered here and there basically fighting as a mercenary until he came back to England and became infamous for trying to blow up parliament.


Why do I discuss this now? Well, I am a Guy Fawkes sympathizer and always have been. Wrong place, wrong time... that is what I say. He wasn't the originator of the plot; he wasn't even a very powerful figure. He was basically elected watchmen over the explosives because he had been in the military.


Not that I am FOR blowing up buildings, governmental or otherwise, but I wonder what the world would have been like if the plot had succeeded (do I smell movie???). Britain's power hadn't been firmly established, and perhaps the British Empire would not be what it came to be. Their political systems were fractured, and the potential impact of 'the plot' would have had serious consequences.


Alas, we'll never know... but tonight, in honor of my friend Guy, I will light a tiny bonfire in my roommates BBQ and pay homage.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Scary Movies

Fearfest '08 has been a bit of a bust, I will admit. None of my suggested movies made the playlist and I slept through a majority of the other movies we watched, while missing a few entirely. That French movie...it involved a creepy mask and someone who lurks eerily in the shadows, which I can appreciate, but as a whole it was more of a comedy. Casey and I recently (read a few minutes ago via IM) had this conversation about scary movies:

Casey L: Joni says we should watch a scary movie, but we definitely differ on what we consider scarey.
Michele S: Anything starring Paris Hilton would freak me out.
Casey L: Ah yes, indeed. Much scarier than The Grudge or something, (I consider Grudge to be a comedy. How can croaking blue chinese people NOT be funny?)
Michele S: SO!!! FUNNY!!! agreed. The most scary movies to me are disturbing movies without a point... a la
There Will be Blood.
Michele S: Or that dancing movie with Vanessa Williams.
Michele S: Or movies that attempt to be really profound.
Casey L: oh that was flat out boring, at least what I saw of it (the vanessa williams movie). Joni likes the paranormal type movies (such as Grudge) and the slasher movies. I think they are absolutely ridiculous and silly. I did see Saw once a long time ago, and that was flat out disturbing, though not scary. For me I can only think of two movies where I was actually scared. ET and Fire in the Sky.
Michele S: Ah! Fire in the Sky was WONDERFUL. Have you seen The Thing?
Casey L: I haven't.
Michele S: I liked it, but it might be too 70s for you.
Casey Lance: I enjoy a good 70's movie. wait, does the thing live in a swamp???
Michele S: No Antarctica
Casey L: okay, maybe not.
Michele S: It might actually be an early Stephen King, but it is legitimately good. It has a slow buildup some character development. The special effects will clearly be cheesy...but it is interesting.
Casey L: Well we know that I don't cheesy special effects. . .
Michele D. Sweat: ah yes, you do love Star Trek.
Casey L: Although I have a sinking feeling that that might change with the new movie.
Michele S: when does that come out again?
Casey L: May 9th, I believe. I had been quite excited but then I read the article on Entertainment Weekly's website. . . And I saw pictures. . .
Michele S: and?
Casey L: The enterprise bridge looks like a hair salon.
Michele S: hahahahahahahahahah!
Casey L: And the whole article kept mentioning that they were making star trek cool again, basically that they are shooting for 18-25 year old men that like superhero movies. . . And that it isn't about pleasing the fans. Which makes me think we are getting a dumbed down movie set in a hair a salon.
Michele s: Well, Star Trek was only cool to nerdy people...do YOU think it had a universal appeal?
Casey L: Well, in 1990 The next generation was one of the top ten shows. I wouldn't say it had universal appeal, but it certainly was quite popular around that time. And who hasn't seen the whale movie????
Casey L: http://trekmovie.com/2008/10/15/more-star-trek-images-enterprise-crew-nero/
Casey L: Here is the salon picture. You can't see the receptionist in that picture, try this: http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2008/10/15/exclusive-new-star-trek-movie-photo-with-kirk-spock-sulu-and-the-uss-enterprise-bridge/
Casey L: The lady in the back looks like she is either at a hair salon or a restaurant. Getting ready to call up whomever is next. Not to mention the whole thing looks like an Apple Store.
Michele S: Looks like a place I would hang out...if I wanted to sip appletinis and talk about my rapidly dropping 401k... as I want to do neither of those things, the whole thing has very little appeal.
Casey Lance: And discuss why you love Barack Obama.


And so we come back to the politics as we always do...much more frightening than any movie...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Political Platform

Previously I promised a book review about a couple cat mysteries that I recently read. I know. I don't want to talk about it. Well, the book review will have to wait. I have been asked my thoughts on the political situation, and those of you that know me, know that I secretly watched the Oliver North trials on television whilst I was supposed to be napping. So, to put it mildly. I have my opinions on these things. To demonstrate my point I have inserted an IM conversation about the subject.

Casey: As far the as the governor race is concerned, I am not really following it. There is nothing to follow since we know who will win. However, this: http://dellschanze.blogspot.com/ is why people think libertarians are crazy.
Casey: I particularly enjoy this quote: There really isn't a choice for Governor in Utah for those that believe in God. ALL, 100%, every single Christian in Utah will vote for Dell Schanze as governor.
Michele: That guy is NUTS

Casey: It annoys me that he doesn't actually understand libertarianism. He thinks it means he can run around pulling is gun on the streets of Salt Lake. Yet at the same time displays that he understands absolutely nothing about the founding fathers, or anything for that matter.
Michele: The guy is just nuts! I have no idea what else we can say about him. No one like him should have a blog.
Casey: I think "nuts" captures it. The thing is, people will tie his name with the word libertarian, and then make it harder for legitimate libertarians to ever have a chance. not that they have much of one as it is. . .
Michele They don't and I feel a need to affiliate with a party primarily because 'Independent' is just a fancy word for non committal democrat. And I do not want to be a non-committal democrat.
Casey: Maybe you should affiliate with the constitution party.
Michele: Ooohhh, do they have a web site? I need to do a little research.
Casey: yes, they are mildly popular in Utah County. Basically they say "we need to get back to the founding fathers and the constitution" which sounds exciting, until it turns out by that, they mean get back to the bible, because the founding fathers were all devotedly Christian. www.constitutionparty.com (That is funny, I just read the article "Ron Paul endorses Chuck Balwdin" which make it appear that Ron Paul personally endorsed him. But as it turns out he endorsed all third party candidates.)
Michele: I have searched the facts and realized that this party likes the bible too much for me.
Casey: I agree. And this coming from two bible believers. . .
Michele: Ish.. lets not get crazy.

Casey: Well, yes, if you ignore the noah thing . . . How about: http://www.prohibition.org/
Michele: Based solely on their angelfire-esque website I'm going to have to give them a no. What else do you have?
Casey: http://www.theamericanparty.org/ http://americafirstparty.org/
Michele: Oh my! Utahns in the leadership...I can support that.
Casey: I find the conservative third parties much more fun
Michele: At least America First has a platform. That is pretty organized.
Casey: This one even had a convention in Utah: http://www.usiap.org/ Its funny how on the front page the declare all of the God stuff, and then quote our deist friend Thomas Jefferson.Casey Lance: Why not quote him on religion???
Michele: That would get too sketchy. He is inspired about government...clearly, but NOT about religion.
Casey: yeah, but I get tired of hearing everyone say he and the founding fathers were basically Mormon and that everything they did was based on the belief in the Christian god. It simply isn't true.
Michele: You know that, I know that. Do we really need to shatter the faith of those who don't? That is why Fourth of July Sunday drives me nuts sometimes.
Casey: Yes, I do need to shatter their faith.
Michele: Do you think the constitution party would be in favor of something like that? No. It would not.
Casey: No, it would not. And that makes me like the idea more . . .

In reality I have become very cynical about politics and politicians. Do I believe that there are still good people in government? Hmmm.... I believe people have good intentions, but they become part of the machine that is beaurocracy. (hypocrite alert--I realize that I am employed solely because beaurocracy exists) So this year for the election--all but the Presidential, in which I will be voting my concience...neither of the candididates--I am going to vote against the incumbent. See www.simsisms.blogspot.com I say we send a message.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Bill Wrigley Update

His book is a science fiction/fantasy about aliens that help the pilgrims or pilgrims that help aliens??? I am not sure, but it is called Pilgrims Among the Stars.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Seriously, DWS? Seriously?

I enjoy my job. I get to IM Casey, email Smithfieldman, help people in need, and come into contact with people whose lives are much more difficult than my own. Though Casey and I mention ETD--estimated departure time--more often than two people should, I generally leave my job feeling like I have made the world a bit better. I can look in the many mirrors that I surround myself with and say "Politicchic6, you have done it again, you minx (I only add that last part when I am feeling particularly saucy)". Then there are the days like today. Days when I stroll in just a little late to see several emails and voice mails and I try to
imagine what my doppelganger must be up to. I am sure he/she is jet setting around, perhaps has landed in Scotland for a meeting with Sir David Davidson about Tory reform, then would be off to speak at a convention in Ghana about children's literacy levels and corporate funding for private education. I am; however, receiving emails like these. This is an ACTUAL email sent on the State email system. I have altered nothing. I only wish that I had.


Ok everyone here is another one of my inspirational emails....
You know the government is saving energy costs with the new 4 -10 hours days...
There are a few things that they should not be saving on for the well being of Us, the Employees... That is right water and toiletries. As we are here for longer hours each day it is still very important to our system to have proper hydration and excretion. Especially in these stressful times we do not need to have physical in-balances. FACT: Approximately 60% of non-illness headaches are related to the body's hydration. Make sure that you are drinking water (that is what the drinking fountains are for) throughout the day.
And any doctor will tell you Don't hold it. And 10 hours is just too long to hold it! :)
There is a lot of stress that is out of our control, but these are things that can greatly increase our ability to deal with the uncontrollable stressors...



Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Playlist Part II

Yes, fans (I am that pretentious) you have been clamouring (and by clamoring one person mentioned that the second half had not been posted). Here it is...

1993/94- Say Something James. This song may have single-handedly begun my obsession with whiny British music.
1994/95- Miss Sarajevo U2. I enjoyed the time in Germany, though I could not get behind Miriam's weird obsession with Take That, I could appreciate a mutual love for U2.
1995/96- Rhapsody in Blue George Gershwin. All I can say is, American In Paris...how I love thee. I also wrote my history of theater research paper about the man. My university password was also a shout-out to Gershwin. (g.gershwin/1938) What can I say... I was very concerned about my privacy.
1996/97- Steppin' Stone The Monkeys. A great tribute to a man who made Jason's life a little less pleasant. I used to listen to this and cruise around in the 'Stang feeling rather cool.
1997/98- Clair da Lune Debussy. This was a big year, I graduated and started at BYU. I used to drive around in the rain a lot listening to this. No, I was not weird. Yes, I fancied myself an intellectual.
1998/99- Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire 98 Degrees. My second year living with girls makes me ban Christmas Albums. I HATE boy bands, yet I know the entire 98 Degrees catalogue. Go ahead and quiz me. I will say one thing...without the boy bands, yours truly would never have decided to volunteer for my church for one and a half years.
1999/00- More Than Us Travis. This song pretty much summed up the "big" relationship of my life at that point. I also drove around in the rain listening to this a lot. No, I was not depressed. Yes, I was a little dramatic.
2000/01- Mais Um Na Miltidao Erasmo Carlos and Marisa Monte. Okay, so technically I wasn't "listening" to music at this point in my life...but that doesn't mean I wasn't hearing it. I have been trying to get my hands on a copy of this song since it was the theme to a Brazilian Novella. Sadly, I have yet to acquire a copy.
2001/02- Solitude Tony Bennett. Coming home was odd. A lot had changed, and I was not ready to re-enter the scene entirely. I once wrote a short story based entirely on the lyrics to this classic and listened to it A LOT.
2002/03- A Praise Chorus Jimmy Eat World. Anything that features Mr. Tommy James and the Shondelles is more than okay with me. I STILL love this song.
2003/04- Blower's Daughter Damien Rice. This song + freezing pub in Inverness + Scottish man playing live = that strange sensation that isn't quite love, but close enough.
2004/05- Automatic Stop The Strokes. This song reminds me of all the drama surrounding Yoko. Still thankful for "Dear Johns".
2005/06- D'yer Maker Led Zeppelin. I was all over the place this year. I remember trying to make life decisions and reconciling that P-Town just couldn't release me.
At least I had great tunes to keep me grounded.
2006/07- Sailing Away Travis. I love a good hidden track. And I love Banjos. And I love Travis. How could this song not be one of my 'running down Provo Canyon' standards?
2007/08- Thistledown The Comas. So the year is not yet over. Who knows what I may say at the end? All I know is that I associate this song with the beginning of the year and things that took me off guard in a good way.

There you have it. My life in music.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Playlist Part 1

I recently sent a playlist to a few friends of songs that I was listening to at work. I did this because a) I am sure they were dying to know and b) it was a slow work day. A certain Smithfieldman responded that he had never heard of the bands or the songs mentioned and seemed to elude to the fact that I have music elitist tendencies like unto the founder and CEO of Simsisms. I would like to deny that fact, but I decided--inspired by a certain character from a certain TV show that I am ashamed I have been sucked into--to make a little playlist of my life. These are actual songs, hopefully more well known, that make up the soundtrack to my life at certain times. I will be having a birthday soon (I accept gifts, cashiers checks, all major credit cards, and chocolate) and have tried to make my playlist reflect where I was at certain points in my life.

1979/80- Okay, no song. I don't remember any music. I am sorry.
1980/81- Yesterday The Beatles. This is the first song I can remember hearing and I LOVED it. All the talk of hideaway reminded my 2 year old self of hide-n-seek.
1981/82- Teddy Bear Elvis. I remember listening to my parents sing this on road trips. And yes, I will sing this to my hypothetical children.
1982/83- Give Said the Little Stream as sung by the Fruitland Primary Singers. I had a passionate argument about the lyrics of this gem. Sadly he was right. Is it my fault we only sang the first verse and I had no idea the others existed? I was four, give me a break!
1983/84- Muddly Puddle ? Another road trip classic. If I could find this song now, I would buy it and force my nephews to love it.
1984/85- The House of Four Doors Moody Blues. I listened to this song on vinyl--yeah I was hip--so many times. I enjoy the creaky doors and chains you can hear in the background.
1985/86- Song Sung Blue Neil Diamond. Genius song writing. Hats of Mr. Diamond.
1986/87- La Hora De Rock ? I HATED this song, but it reminds me of our Spanish lessons that The Latin Fury was so intent on.
1987/88- Blonds Have More Fun Rod Stewart. Yes, I am serious. My cousin Sarah and I used to sing this into the mirror with our hairbrushes. This is before I learned that blonds were evil and refused to like any blond characters in fiction.
1988/89- High Enough Damn Yankees. To my fifth grade soul this song had all the pathos and longing that a song should have.
1989/90- Can't Touch This MC Hammer. This song was listed in my sixth grade yearbook as my favorite...so I think it deserves a shout out.
1990/91- Somewhere in Time Theme. I drove my parents nuts playing this on the piano over and over again. I still remember most of it without sheet music.
1991/92- A Bad Goodbye Clint Black and Wynona Judd. Like all rebellious kids, I went through an eight month country phase that I am not necessarily proud of. But I still like this song, and it goes on every break up mix I am a part of.
1992/93- November Rain Guns-N-Roses. I don't want to talk about it.

All right. Half of my life in music. The other half coming soon. So this is a two disk set.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Jason World Survivors UNITE!!!

What is Jason World? Well, I am no scientist, or Star Trek fan, though I did manage to plod my way through Contact (even that binary part), but Jason world occurs when there is a vortex or wormhole in the space/time continuum. It is the moment when you realize that you are engaged in an activity that you swore you would not become engaged in or do not like, and yet, there you are. And even worse...you are kind of enjoying yourself. This, my friends, is Jason World. It is that special ability that Jason has to steal your will and make you believe--if only for a moment--that you exist to make his life happy/easy/comfortable.

For your evidence I submit exhibit A: December 2008.
Where did the month go? I vaguely recall having all sorts of productive plans. I also remember initially that I had time to execute those plans. January came and nothing had happened. In fact the month passed so quickly that I was shocked...and yet I could not recall DOING anything. That is when I knew that I had been sucked into Jason World. I get vague PTSD flashes of driving him here and paying for him there... Jason!

I know I am not the only victim of Jason World, and I invite you all to share your stories. Perhaps we could form a support group. It will be better than the blogvention we planned for Jason that never happened. Our group could be called JWS--Jason World Survivors.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Work "Parties"


On the list of things that I don't like somewhere between fitted sheets and small talk you will find Work Parties. (You will notice that I used quotations in the subject. This is because misused quotation marks are hilarious and on the list of things that Casey does not like.) Above you will see a picture of my work team building retreat. I am the one anxiously studying my sandwich to avoid any awkward moments where our team might retreat to build something. Regular readers of CPR--and those numbers are few as this blog is anything but posted regularly--will note that I DO love a good party. Generally because parties are a place where people with mutual interests such as eating cake and/or gossiping come together to share those mutual interests. Work parties force you to interact with people you generally avoid while at work.
This being said, I TOTALLY enjoyed my work party. I do have masochistic tendencies. Also, a gentleman that we will call Bill Wrigley-- because that is his name, came to spread his particular brand of grumpiness for the first half hour. I will admit to being slightly obsessed with him ever since he shouted across the room at me during a meeting. Then I discovered that he had published a Sci-Fi novel, and what can I say...I seek out opportunities to study my subject at close range. Bill did not disappoint as he made bitter observations about the activity and left at the soonest possible moment. But I did get a chance to engage him in conversation which means I am getting close...to what, I can not say. Perhaps I will discover at our next work party.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Dark Knight VS Wall-E

Recently I watched two of the summer's most hyped movies Wall-E and The Dark Knight. CPR is devoted to bringing the world accurate movie reviews (see The Work and The Glory review on the old blog: www. cynicpicnic.blogspot.com), and as a result put these two movies head to head in a series of categories. Though I can not explain the exact mathematical calculations to determine the final winner (far too complex for the average human to understand) the results were definitive:

The Winner is...


Underlying Theme:
Wall-E wins based solely upon the hope factor. It shows the ability to step out of ones element to do great things. It also has an underlying self reliance theme which I am a fan of.

Heroine:
Please. Maggie Gyllenhal as Rachel Dawes...yuck. Wall-E wins again

Hero:

I am sorry. I just love Christian Bale. Ever since Newsies I knew we would one day be destined to never meet, but I would cherish an unrequited situation for him for the rest of my mortal existence, maybe even my post mortal existence. Batman wins, though Wall-E is a great hero.

Plot
Tie. Both had decent plots. Batman trying to relinquish his position of protector and defender of Gotham and get the girl at the same time while a psycho is on the loose...I can get behind it.
Wall-E inadvertently saving the day while staying near the robot he loves...also good.

Script
Wall-E wins. Even though a large portion of the dialogue in this movie is "Wall-E" and "Eve" it is still more compelling than having every single character in Batman repeat that Harvey Dent is a hero, and the best among them, and the strongest, and that he is a white knight. Yeah, I get that the character is supposed to illustrate an anti-batman, someone working within the realms of the law, but I don't need it repeated seven times. I caught it the first time.

Action Sequences
Wall-E wins, this is because I am a girl and the 20 minute chase scenes never appeal to me. I don't care what anyone...particularly Beardocrats...have to say about the matter, a semi tipping over and exploding cars NEVER further the plot.

The Dark Knight also has gratuitous violence going against it. I was all prepared for a darker batman because I like dark, but dark and gory are two separate things and the Dark Knight crossed into the gory realm. I am not opposed to violence, let it be clear, but this seems over the top and not a movie I'd take my hypothetical kids to.





Monday, July 14, 2008

The Most Disgusting Gum in the Entire World

And the winner is Orbit: Positively Pomegranate. Thank heaven this gum is limited edition because it is disgusting. I have been doing some searching on the internet and SADLY witnessed that this gum has a small cult following. I am not against pomegranates. I enjoy the fact that they are difficult to eat and that they stain your clothing...this gum does not taste like pomegranate. This gum also does not have the consistency of actual gum. A few minutes of chewing and it actually begins to melt in your mouth and has all the thrill of chewing fiber glass. Then, let us touch on the smell. I made the mistake of opening a piece in my office and four hours later...it STILL smelt of the stuff. I invite those who are bold enough to try a bit, and let me know if your experience was as horrible as mine. I will stick with Sweet Mint, thank you very much.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Social Experiment # 1: Shiny Shirt

I have a shiny shirt. I do not dislike the shirt, but it is a shirt without an occasion. It is not exactly casual, because it shines, nor is it exactly dressy because it looks like a bathrobe. I have relegated the shirt to laundry day apparel. You are all familiar with the clothes that you only think to break out when all your other clothes are scattered on the floor in various states of filth and/or in the washing machine. This shirt has fit that criteria for the last few years.

When one calculates my minimalistic wardrobe and laundry laziness...I wear this shirt more often than not. I do try to use it as a last resort as it makes me feel like a salsa dancing teenager, but I have noticed that whenever I manage to break it out I get complimented.

In an effort to unlock the mysteries of our metaphysical world CPR will now be conducting a various series of social experiments. The first experiment involved wearing the shiny shirt to church. I will admit, I might have selected a contaminated control group as people are more willing to compliment you after learning how "Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too". At any rate...I did not expect the overwhelming results. Seventeen compliments later I am convinced that I know less than I assumed about what people will like. Either way, I win.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Bootie

Contrary to popular belief, I am by no means an expert on Bootie. Although, I do love anything that makes my feet warm, I can not remember owning a pair of booties after the tender age of two or so. As soon as I learned that mobility was more effective whilst wearing something with a sturdy sole I abandoned the knitted delights. Recently, a person who I know that will henceforth be referred to as the Beardocrat (even though technically he has no beard, and according to his voter registration claims that he is unaffiliated), was sporting some rather stylish booties. I was intrigued, and this intrigue led me to the internet.

--note to readers of CPR, it is unwise to search booties on the internet

That being said, I discovered that
booties are hot this season that is truth according to www.shoes.about.com and I couldn't agree more. There is nothing like a well knit bootie to keep one warm at night. It seems dogs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hbZMNZnj_A) and infants (http://www.roxycraft.com/crochet_baby_booties.htm) are really interested in this trend as well. Wikipedia also weighs in on the subject:

A bootee is a garment like a thick sock to keep the feet warm.

They are usually worn by people who do not walk (e.g. babies), as walking would soon wear holes in soft bootees.

Sometimes bootees are worn by sledge dogs in very cold Arctic conditions: see Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race.

In all my research I found only one true bootie hater. L.L. Bean has recalled their booties because children might choke on them. I disagree with L.L. Bean and his/her catalog for the following reason. I recently scored a pair of Bulgarian booties and have never once been tempted to eat them. In fact, I can say I have never felt so free as when jaunting around the kitchen in my booties.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Love

L...is for the way you look at me
O...is for the only one I see
V...is very very extraordinary
E...is

Okay, I don't remember the rest. These are my thoughts. The word love is thrown around rather loosely these days especially by loose lipped little Chileans. In the past I have been known to be very casual with the word myself. I love Chocolate. I love sleeping in. I love the polka. Some of these things are true, some are not. Either way, I am making a point here. The L word should not be thrown around like confetti at Mardis Gras.


Monday, March 10, 2008

Memories

I realize I blog seldom these days. As I was re-reading the old blog, I remember why I loved blogging. What an anonymous outlet for the venom that sometimes gets into my life. As I was thinking these deep thoughts I realized it is far past time to write a tribute post to THE WICKED RAGE and our years together.

Alpine Court Memories:
The Duck Paper--teaching children everywhere that making up facts for a good cause is okay
Carrie Two: The Rage
Making The Rage hate Brad
Making The Rage hate Adam
Making The Rage heart Reed
Tucano's and free dessert
The Nun
First California Road Trip
The Love Lights
Adrienne and Marshall
F squared
The Dave Heirarchy: David Sloan will always and forever be number one...
Getting molested by Dan
The Mosaic
Freak on a Leash on Sunday Mornings
Predator Check
Trais is tapered jeans and the red sweatshirt
Chinese New Year
Sunday School in the Cambridge Scholar room
First Corn
The hottest summer ever
Bean bag lover
Laurel's rendition of Maxwell's Silver Hammer
The wedding dresses hanging from hooks

Wow, there is way too much to get into. I was going to try to fit Goldstone and Brickhaven, but I might have to do a The Rage series. Anyone may add to the memories of Alpine Court as I am fading fast and I don't remember all that I used to....


Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Things I Love

My little brother
Being wrong about something
Having the power
Homemade lotion--key ingredient...cheap Vodka.
Taking some time off
This winter
Reading good books
Possibilities
Friends who make genuinely good decisions and are progressing in their lives--I am not even jealous.
Free cheesecake...that is right. Free cheesecake.
Canada '08
Sunsets

Sorry, I know the list is quite short, but I have no time and when one is happy what does one do? Share one's happiness.


Thursday, January 24, 2008

List of things I will avoid this weekend

A wise man once said, "Update Time" and since I do everything that wise men say, here goes. A brief list of the things this weekend that I will avoid:

1- The quilting bee Relief Society Service Project. This I will avoid like a rat carried plague in a time of famine. I find it interesting how I always manage to find time for the activities that involve free food...hmmm...
2- The baby shower.
3- Facebook. It is the devil.
4- Cookies, especially those of the chocolate chip persuasion.
5- Editing stewed slacker's political science paper. No, that I will not be able to get out of. The punk knows where I live.
6- Things with the word "choir" in them. Yeah, Brian! Stop hounding me. I have no interest in choir.

One thing I will not avoid is the movie Cloverfield. Not that I am terribly excited, but a certain Wicked Rage has been bought into the hype and as a result I will do along.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Sledding: Why Did I Ever Stop?

I love sledding. After a seven year absence, I am BACK!!! I can't believe I forgot the joy of hurtling down an ice-packed mountain at speeds that can only be considered indecent. Thank you, Jillian, for inviting me to re-visit memories of days gone by and rekindle that love of danger.

On a side note, parents are neglecting a very important duty. They should be teaching sledding hill etiquette. For example: children should not be walking up an established sledding trail while sleds are trying to go down said trail; cookie sheets are not sleds; dogs should not wear snow suits; in fact, dogs are not allowed on sledding hills...ever...for any reason; if a sled is coming at you, do not stand stupidly watching the advance...get out of the way. I know all of these ideas are not novel or revolutionary. These are ideas like unto those that are country was founded upon. So for heaven's sake, Parents (and future parents as many of you reading this blog have yet to multiply and replenish), teach your children well...