Confessions of a Pen Thief

Okay, I will freely admit that I have a problem. I began to notice this gradually, but today I can admit (with surprisingly clear conscience you may note) that I AM a pen thief. I noticed recently that whenever I go to church, I leave with one pen... return with that pen + 1. Once, when I was getting something in a drive thru (okay, yes, by something I mean donut and by drive thru I mean Krispy Kreme... but just so you know, they weren't for me, I don't even LIKE donuts) I was figuring that our transaction was completed, but the nice lady was still standing in the window with hand outstretched. As I looked at her with a confused shrug/wrinkled forehead face (I have perfected this look)and she said flatly, "My pen?" How embarrassing... I'd nearly stolen a pen from Krispy Kreme. Today, came the final chapter in my pen thievery. I ran across the street for a bagel (apparently my lunch, the orange, and 2 90 cal granola bars just WEREN'T sufficient today) and as I was walking away with bagel in hand, I noticed I had a pen as well. I thought, "That is odd, I didn't BRING a pen with me, nor did I sign anything..." And then I remembered. The lady was showing me something ON my receipt and I literally snatched the pen from her hand and made for the exit.
Does this make me a bad person? I don't know. Do I love pens? Not particularly. And if I AM a thief why can't I steal something valuable that has some resale potential? The Beardocrat would probably offer some theories into my psyche, but I will give you the latest self discovery. Apparently I like to have something in my hands. At all times. I did not know this about myself but it is true. It is either a pen, a phone, a scrap of paper, the Beardocrat's hand. I just like to have my hands full of stuff. So be for warned folks. Your pens are not safe if my grabby hands and I are near.