Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Confessions of a Pen Thief

Okay, I will freely admit that I have a problem. I began to notice this gradually, but today I can admit (with surprisingly clear conscience you may note) that I AM a pen thief. I noticed recently that whenever I go to church, I leave with one pen... return with that pen + 1. Once, when I was getting something in a drive thru (okay, yes, by something I mean donut and by drive thru I mean Krispy Kreme... but just so you know, they weren't for me, I don't even LIKE donuts) I was figuring that our transaction was completed, but the nice lady was still standing in the window with hand outstretched. As I looked at her with a confused shrug/wrinkled forehead face (I have perfected this look)and she said flatly, "My pen?" How embarrassing... I'd nearly stolen a pen from Krispy Kreme. Today, came the final chapter in my pen thievery. I ran across the street for a bagel (apparently my lunch, the orange, and 2 90 cal granola bars just WEREN'T sufficient today) and as I was walking away with bagel in hand, I noticed I had a pen as well. I thought, "That is odd, I didn't BRING a pen with me, nor did I sign anything..." And then I remembered. The lady was showing me something ON my receipt and I literally snatched the pen from her hand and made for the exit.
Does this make me a bad person? I don't know. Do I love pens? Not particularly. And if I AM a thief why can't I steal something valuable that has some resale potential? The Beardocrat would probably offer some theories into my psyche, but I will give you the latest self discovery. Apparently I like to have something in my hands. At all times. I did not know this about myself but it is true. It is either a pen, a phone, a scrap of paper, the Beardocrat's hand. I just like to have my hands full of stuff. So be for warned folks. Your pens are not safe if my grabby hands and I are near.

7 comments:

T-Ray said...

You are SO funny! This post made me laugh. A pen thief! Ha!

P.S. When are we having our cupcake-o-thon?

smithfieldman said...

I have a collection of work pens in my apartment. They accumulate as I always carry three or four to meetings.

Alan said...

It's true. Our home is littered with pens. The kitchen, the living room, the bedroom—I've even found pens lurking in the bathroom!

Wendy said...

You'd better steer clear of my pens, missy! Just kidding, we have plenty to spare. Come visit anytime, we may let you choose one as a parting gift.

Karen E. said...

Now I know where all of my pens are! I thought I was just losing them, but apparently you are sneaking into my office and stealing them!

My sister uses pens to put her hair up so there are pens all over her house and especially in the couch cushions. Once we needed pens for a baby shower and we literally found 18 pens in her couch.

Anne B. said...

Before they banned "gifts" from pharmaceutical companies, Dave managed to accumulate thousands of pens (ok, that may be a SLIGHT exaggeration) and we still have a gallon bag full of pens waiting to be used when our Pot of Pens runs out, which will be in about 10 -15 years when my kids hit high school. Would you like me to send this gallon bag full to you? On second thought, I think you LIKE stealing pens, whether you realize it or not. I'll keep my gallon bag, and YOU keep your thrill.

Carolina said...

I have quite the opposite problem--I lose all my pens. Probably to pen thieves like your.