Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Girl Scout Cookies

I am about to anger all 1.5 readers of my blog with this next post. But I feel like it is time to get back to cynicism. I have been too happy lately. I will admit it. I have sung. I have danced. I have frolicked. I have found myself staring off at odd times with an awkward smile on my face and I apologize. If CPR has one credo, it is to shed light on those things that annoy. Few things annoy me more than Girl Scout Cookies.
Where to begin? People LOVE these things, and I am not sure why. Very recently three separate people admitted guilt to eating a whole package of Girl Scout Cookies in one sitting. Imagine my disgust. A) that they would endorse the girl scout organization via cookie purchases but mostly B) that they thought a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies meant something. If ever there was a group of people that promoted ridiculously small portions... it was those Girl Scouts.

Also... and here comes cause for angry rebuttal comments: GIRL SCOUT COOKIES ARE DISGUSTING. They taste and have the consistency of cardboard. Yeah, I said it. Thin mints? Cardboard. Samoas? Cardboard? All those other kinds that I think are even LESS redeemable? Cardboard. I lived with a person called The Rage who often made cookies. They tasted like cookies. They had the consistency of cookies. In short they WERE cookies. In no way did the resemble what the Girl Scouts try to pass off as cookies. To be frank, if I am going to destroy my caloric intake for the day, I am doing it by consuming a cookie. A real cookie. A true cookie.

Some of you probably feel that this post is motivated from a hatred of uniformed girls selling goods, but that is untrue. This post is a result of guilt. I (yes, prepare to be shocked) was a girl scout and sold these... cookies. I apologize to anyone who might have bought them, or bought into the whole "proceeds go to help local troops" this is a lie. Cookie revenue that remains at a local level goes to pay for Girl Scout camp which is where the Girl Scout Agenda is truly seen. If you wonder what the Girl Scout organization supports, why don't you take a look at the lobby dollars they spend in Washington. You might be surprised. And you might just stop buying those nasty cookies.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Nu Skin

Do I endorse Nu Skin, you ask? No, I do not. Do I use Nu Skin? Also, no. Then why, oh why, a blog post about Nu Skin...

I have this friend. We will call him Miguel in order to protect his REAL identity. But let me just give you a hint: His actual name might be VERY SIMILAR to the name I have given him to protect his identity. Only his name is in a different language! Ha! Crack the code if you can. Alas, onward. Miguel works for a company called Nu Skin. Apparently for a small part of his job Miguel has to search the Internet for websites selling Nu Skin because legally they are not supposed to.

Instantly I felt a challenge... could Miguel find MY blog if I repeatedly mentioned Nu Skin? And would he send me intimidating letters from lawyers telling me to remove my Nu Skin post? We will just have to wait and see. In the meantime I will tell you the only Nu Skin story/experience I have to share.

Back in the college days I tried to take swimming classes all the time. Sure, this pushed my graduation back several years, and sure, it didn't help the bronchitis I managed to catch each winter... but it was tons of fun. In one of these classes was a kid I'll call Fernando. I am NOT trying to protect Fernando's identity. Either that was his name or he looked like a former co-worker named Fernando, either way we were not friends. I was; however, friends with Adam. Adam invited The Rage and I over to his place for a party that involved a pinata. The only OTHER thing I remember about said party was that Fernando and Adam were roommates, which subsequently made my swimming class a little awkward. Donning a bathing suit in front of complete strangers... not a problem. Donning one in front of a friend's roommate... different story. I digress. Fernando worked for Nu Skin and had all sorts of Nu Skin products. The evening culminated in an application of some sort of sawdusty green face mask. The Rage and I refused to take part for religious reasons, but to my knowledge pictures still exist somewhere.

So there you have my Nu Skin story all about Nu Skin products and websites that mention Nu Skin. I will let you know if "Miguel" contacts me about the post.