Thursday, December 17, 2009

Utah Hair

I have a hairdresser (brief pause for laugh track). Yes, my hairdresser is from Utah and says that as a result she can't help but rat up the hair. I call this phenomenon Utah Alien Hair and I am not sure why people like it... but they seem to. THEN (yes, the plot thickens) I heard about this little product. Seriously. Bumpits. I am shaking my head as we speak. Doesn't that last girl look like she stepped straight out of the University Mall?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

One World....

A friend of mine recently embraced vegetarianism. I have nothing against vegetarianism. Nor do I have anything against veganism. Militant veganism; however, is another story for another time. I am not sure if whilst embracing vegetarianism he also thought he might embrace some other isms... but for whatever the reason, he decided to eat at the One World Cafe. Here is his properly scathing review.

"okay, I have returned. And I think that restaurant is the embodiment of liberalism. And it fails. The selection was extremely poor, the food bland. They guilt tripped me into paying more for the food than it was worth (so that they can afford to feed the poor), And I left hungry. I stopped off at this incredible gourmet bakery, just so I could feel full. The bakery, probably embodies conservatism. The selection was huge, the prices were low, I bought way more than I can eat, and am now so full of whip cream that I am sick."

Monday, December 7, 2009

Christmas Carol it Ain't

What has me so incensed that I would use the colloquialism ain't, you ask? Well, Christmas is upon us, which I adore, by the way. But now the Christmas music is ALSO upon us, and trust me, not all Christmas music is created equal. Here I am mentally referencing that God forsaken 8 month period when my roommates played the 98 Degrees Christmas album throughout the entire 8 months rain or shine. Alas, moving on. One song that I often hear at Christmas time annoys (I had infuriates typed up here, but that is far too strong a word) is "My Favorite Things" via that classic musical The Sound Of Music.

Not only is this song NOT a Christmas song, I can't even determine how it came to BE a Christmas song. Initially, in the original stage production, this song is sung by Maria to Mother Superior when she is leaving to be a governess. Most people are more familiar with the movie version where she sings it to calm the children during a thunder storm. In no instance does this song take place at Christmas or even in Winter. Let us dissect the lyrics.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens -no illusion to Christmas here
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens - mittens, not solely worn during Christmas
Brown paper packages tied up with strings - she says 'packages' not GIFTS, people
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels -nothin'
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles - sleighs are how they got around
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings -nothing Christmassy here
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes - nope
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes - this references winter
Silver white winters that melt into Springs - ah, but we move away into Spring
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites - No
When the bee stings - Also no
When I'm feeling sad - Who knows?
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

So please, strike this one from your Christmas Carolling List. In a related story. A few weeks ago The Beardocrat and I were watching some previews. Along came a preview for a Christmas movie and the Beardocrat muttered, "Man, Christmas is in peril a LOT." I agree.