Monday, December 17, 2007


So, I have to admit that I've never ever made cookies before. Why? Not that domestic. Oh, don't get me wrong. I can cook. Yeah, the Latin in me likes to watch people eat for some ridiculous reason that I don't understand. So, I cook, I just don't bake. Baking requires patience and strict adherence to a recipe. Two things that are not my strong suit. But the Christmas season is upon me and let's take a second for some honesty. I am cheap. I am the cheapest. It is sick, the more money I get, the cheaper I realize that I am. So now that I have co-workers who expect those token popcorn tin type gifts, I have decided it is time to rock the kitchen.

It started with a trip to the store, where I was shocked to discover that cookies did not require as many ingredients as I had previously supposed. Sugar (both colors, lets be politically correct) flour, eggs, butter, salt, baking soda, chocolate chips, and vanilla??? Come on! That is it? I hardly believed it. But several hours and a couple burnt fingers later... my house smells like fresh baked cookies and my co-workers will be a bit fatter. Ahh, the joy of giving.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Little bald guys, secret combinations, and tri-pods

It seems like only yesterday someone we know was dating people we called Yoko and shirking his many responsibilities. Well, guess who is back in action, minus Yoko. I don't know how I feel about the "motivational" turtle club stories, but who am I to judge? What am I saying? I judge, therefore I am. It is what I do.

Well, hats off to you, Jason, and your obsessive love of Chuck Norris. Thank you for letting me know why exactly it is that missionaries have companions.

Monday, October 15, 2007


So while at work today I was daydreaming. I am not going to lie, I do it quite frequently, but today was worse than other days. Here is a quick list of things that crossed my mind:
Baby ducks
Jason's homecoming
My nephews
Child support payments
Running a 10K
Family Home Evening
The Burton Boys
Marion Ito
Bridal showers
A warm blanket
Peppermint tea
High heels
Good Weather
Training at the gym tomorrow
Dinner with Joni and Casey
Fruitland weekend coming up soon...

Monday, October 8, 2007

Things that are Scary Beyond All Reason

Albinos are scary. But a CAR FULL of albinos is scary beyond all reason.

Lazy eyes are scary. But clowns with lazy eyes are scary beyond all reason.

a Capella music is scary. But a Capella music sung inadvertently by large groups of Brazilians.

Moths are scary. Lots of moths are scary beyond all reason.

C-list celebrities dancing is scary. C-list celebrities looking for love is scary beyond all reason.

Darkened parking garages are scary. Darkened parking garages inhabited by serial killers are scary beyond all reason.

The thought of eating liver every night is scary. The thought of having your liver eaten every evening as you lie helplessly chained to a rock is scary beyond all reason.

Pork rinds are scary. How pork rinds are made is scary beyond all reason.

British teeth are scary. British teeth coming at you for a kiss is scary beyond all reason.

Brittany Spears having children is scary. Brittany Spears babysitting your children is scary beyond all reason.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Two Hours of Mindless Television has Unvieled Life's Greatest Mysteries

Yes, that is right. The mysteries of the universe are at my fingertips. Who knew that all I had to do was watch a VH1/MTV Medley and I would find out all I ever wanted to know about Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness? I am upset that I wasted all those hours in church, but relieved that this epiphany happened right before I watched that The Secret video. Dodged a bullet there, eh? At any rate I would like to share much of what I learned. Okay, just the ten most important lessons.

1--Any time you put a K in anything that requires a C it is automatically more street, and therefore cool.

2--Fergie is kind of a skank. Okay, that was no big revelation, but why must we play that same song over and over and over again when it is ridiculously boring?

3--My lip gloss IS poppin'!

4--The Kid Nation show is a hugely bad idea. Yeah, I've read the book, it's called Lord of the Flies, and it doesn't end well. Spoiler--they kill Piggy.

5--Mark Ronson is a musical genius and will one day rule the world because he is so musically talented. In addition, Daniel Merriweather's voice for some unknown reason seems to make ladies cry.

6--Every Nickelback song sounds the same.

7--And in a related story, Lifehouse is America's answer to Nickelback.

8--There is a gate to hell that opens when Fergie videos are played simultaneously on both VH1 and MTV. It is a frightening few minutes, and a person will not survive without severe psychological damage.

9--Disney is taking over the world, one pseudo-dysfunctional popstar at a time.

10--People look better in videos if they can somehow manage to be wet and/or sweaty.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Ahh, so many tales of glory--so little motivation

Well kids, I got hit today by a man who "left his license and registration at home" (And when I say I got hit, I mean my darling Constantine Radcliffe-Villanove [CR-V] got hit) I am not even certain that he was an actual alien of this fine country (for those of you who are worried that this isn't PC. Just know that I whispered that last sentence so everything is good). And he doesn't work, but collects disability. Will Constantine ever recover? I don't know but I am suddenly enraged.

ALSO, and in more horrifying news. Today I planned to once again partake the sweetness that is the Caramel Apple Pie at Gurus. Oh, guess what? The recipe is no longer wonderful and delicious. The crust which was once ooey and gooey and much the consistency of an apple crisp has been replaced by regular pie crust. What a waste! I might as well have gone to Costco to get some frozen yogurt because I know it would have been more enjoyable.

What else can I complain about while I have you all captive? Hmmm...the students are back in P-town and with them even more horrible driving. That is about it, getting in car accidents puts me in a bad mood apparently but on the upside at least I updated!

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Something Odd in Blogland

Okay, many of you may realize that I have changed my blog address... mainly because it stopped letting me post. You can find all my daily rants here from now on