Monday, November 24, 2008


As regular readers of CPR know, I lose my keys often. They also know that stewedslacker, my relative, recently got engaged to be married. How are these concepts linked and why do they matter?* Well, I know it will come as a great shock, but I have never had a high degree of faith in relationships. Particularly ones instigated by members of the Sweat family. The Sweat men seem to disregard logic and rush headlong into whatever emotional pursuits are on hand, while the lone voice of reason--that would be me in this narrative--exercises caution to the point of paranoia to avoid emotions on any level. Neither of these approaches have proved successful, if you measure success in terms of eternal happiness. So when stewedslacker announced that he was getting hitched, I thought to myself "Here we go again".

I have approached the affair with skepticism and outright sarcasm at different points while torn between a desire to be supportive and a need to speak my mind. Now, of all strange occurances, I find acceptance. Yes, acceptance. Close your gaping jaws, and listen. A wise(ish) man, creator of Simsism once told me that I needed to have faith that stewedslacker would make good decisions. (This was a novel concept as stewedslacker was dating Yoko at the time, and I think we all remember how fun that was.) Yet, I have always doubted. Well, a few days ago at 24hourfitness (shameless plug) stewedslacker gave me the metaphorical key to acceptance.

Simply, he said he missed Malu, and that being away from someone you love is like missing your keys. It is as though your keys are lost and they are always in the back of your mind. And you spend your time living, but you always wonder about where they are, and would really like them with you. Now, as I said before, I lose my keys A LOT. I know this feeling very well. I know what it feels like to see your keys staring up at your from the couch cushions or pocket or floor where they have been hiding. I still believe that even though life will be difficult for anyone making big committments; life will especially be difficult for stewed slacker and Malu, as they have lots of difficulties that the average every day couple will not encounter. But I have come to accept that if someone feels that special 'missing key way' the only thing to do is take the risk. So, stewedslacker, best of luck. I will help how I can.

*Thank you Pacmis computer system for shutting down yet again, and making my work day into one long internet fest.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


I have been meaning to blog about Cleve for ages. Cleve calls me kiddo. Occasionally Cleve brings me chips and salsa. (Cleve is unaware that I really don't like corn chips. I mean, they're okay, but not exactly my thing) Recently Cleve sent me this email:

Hey thanks kiddo.. got it and its all taken care of.. have a great weekend..

I hope you noted the farewell. Yes, I believe that is a kissy noise, folks. If Cleve wasn't old enough to be my father and 'living with someone', I might be concerned. As it is, the whole situation walks that delicate tightrope between creepy and endearing.

What truly fascinates me about Cleve is his office superhero power (mine is to curl the phone chord and my nametag into tangled mess in an instant, but more about that some other time). Cleve breaks any printer he touches. I do not exaggerate when I say that he has broken our printer at least twelve separate times since we have moved to this office. He has taken to coming in early in the morning and hoping no one catches him at it, but if our printer is acting up during the day we all know who the culprit is.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"Nothin' burns like an effigy" -Homer Simpson

That is right, folks. Guy Fawkes Day is upon us again. I thought it appropriate to remember a little "Gunpowder Treason and Plot" in light of recent political events in our own country. I may have blogged about Mr. Fawkes before, but why not once again. Essentially Mr. Fawkes was a Catholic in England when things were dangerous for Catholics and Protestants alike depending upon the whims of their current monarch. Fawkes wandered here and there basically fighting as a mercenary until he came back to England and became infamous for trying to blow up parliament.

Why do I discuss this now? Well, I am a Guy Fawkes sympathizer and always have been. Wrong place, wrong time... that is what I say. He wasn't the originator of the plot; he wasn't even a very powerful figure. He was basically elected watchmen over the explosives because he had been in the military.

Not that I am FOR blowing up buildings, governmental or otherwise, but I wonder what the world would have been like if the plot had succeeded (do I smell movie???). Britain's power hadn't been firmly established, and perhaps the British Empire would not be what it came to be. Their political systems were fractured, and the potential impact of 'the plot' would have had serious consequences.

Alas, we'll never know... but tonight, in honor of my friend Guy, I will light a tiny bonfire in my roommates BBQ and pay homage.