Internet Etiquette Class 3- substitute teacher

All right class... as you can see, today we have a substitute who comes to us from the very special land of K-Can Alaska, where he hikes, he kayaks, and spends hours contemplating the meaning of life by watching his lava lamp. He also reports and fights crimes. In his spare time he teaches classes about the internet.
He brings to you Class 3: The Engagement

Yes, we know you are in love. Yes, there are times when we wouldn't
mind seeing you — dare I say it — kiss. However, those times are
extremely rare (the odds are better for the Detroit Lions to have a
winning season than for us wanting to see you kiss. For you non-
sports fans the odds are better that a guy not dragged to Twilight by
a significant other will say he liked the movie) and should be kept
from the online world.

So if you are planning to post engagement photos online, here's a few
rules to abide by:

Don'ts
• Never post a picture of you and significant other smooching,
canoodling, smacking or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
Even Eskimo kisses, are a no-no.

• Especially don't post pictures where one of you are hanging upside
down and you are kissing. In fact, make sure both of you are in the
same vertical direction.

• Make sure we can't see your tongue.

• No matching shirts, especially ones with flags on them; but please
keep your shirts on.

• No gimmicks. No peeking around the corner, hugging a tree or a pole
for that matter, and again stay right-side up.

• No pets, photographers, children, trucks, tractors, or other
inanimate object that could be construed as your second love.

• Stay out of wheelbarrows, the ocean, lakes and rivers for the shot.

• Guys, don't touch her butt for the shot. Gals, stay clear of the
crotch.

• No cheesy jumping up in the air, and no strangling — fake or real.

Do's (There's only one):

• Post pictures where you both look like a happy, normal couple.
(please no fake smiles)

Follow these simple rules and you'll stay off the Facebook Page,
Awkward Engagement Pictures Rock My Socks. The link for that page is
here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2261419669