Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Dark Knight VS Wall-E

Recently I watched two of the summer's most hyped movies Wall-E and The Dark Knight. CPR is devoted to bringing the world accurate movie reviews (see The Work and The Glory review on the old blog: www. cynicpicnic.blogspot.com), and as a result put these two movies head to head in a series of categories. Though I can not explain the exact mathematical calculations to determine the final winner (far too complex for the average human to understand) the results were definitive:

The Winner is...


Underlying Theme:
Wall-E wins based solely upon the hope factor. It shows the ability to step out of ones element to do great things. It also has an underlying self reliance theme which I am a fan of.

Heroine:
Please. Maggie Gyllenhal as Rachel Dawes...yuck. Wall-E wins again

Hero:

I am sorry. I just love Christian Bale. Ever since Newsies I knew we would one day be destined to never meet, but I would cherish an unrequited situation for him for the rest of my mortal existence, maybe even my post mortal existence. Batman wins, though Wall-E is a great hero.

Plot
Tie. Both had decent plots. Batman trying to relinquish his position of protector and defender of Gotham and get the girl at the same time while a psycho is on the loose...I can get behind it.
Wall-E inadvertently saving the day while staying near the robot he loves...also good.

Script
Wall-E wins. Even though a large portion of the dialogue in this movie is "Wall-E" and "Eve" it is still more compelling than having every single character in Batman repeat that Harvey Dent is a hero, and the best among them, and the strongest, and that he is a white knight. Yeah, I get that the character is supposed to illustrate an anti-batman, someone working within the realms of the law, but I don't need it repeated seven times. I caught it the first time.

Action Sequences
Wall-E wins, this is because I am a girl and the 20 minute chase scenes never appeal to me. I don't care what anyone...particularly Beardocrats...have to say about the matter, a semi tipping over and exploding cars NEVER further the plot.

The Dark Knight also has gratuitous violence going against it. I was all prepared for a darker batman because I like dark, but dark and gory are two separate things and the Dark Knight crossed into the gory realm. I am not opposed to violence, let it be clear, but this seems over the top and not a movie I'd take my hypothetical kids to.





Monday, July 14, 2008

The Most Disgusting Gum in the Entire World

And the winner is Orbit: Positively Pomegranate. Thank heaven this gum is limited edition because it is disgusting. I have been doing some searching on the internet and SADLY witnessed that this gum has a small cult following. I am not against pomegranates. I enjoy the fact that they are difficult to eat and that they stain your clothing...this gum does not taste like pomegranate. This gum also does not have the consistency of actual gum. A few minutes of chewing and it actually begins to melt in your mouth and has all the thrill of chewing fiber glass. Then, let us touch on the smell. I made the mistake of opening a piece in my office and four hours later...it STILL smelt of the stuff. I invite those who are bold enough to try a bit, and let me know if your experience was as horrible as mine. I will stick with Sweet Mint, thank you very much.