Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Another True Love



I grew up in a family that did not eat butter. We had margarine. Two of my brothers have PKU, so margarine was really the better choice. My OTHER brother has a strange aversion to any buttery spread and claims he can 'smell' when the margarine is anywhere near the table... okay... I digress. As a result, I never developed the love of butter that I could have developed along the way.

I ask you, all of you... have you ever TASTED butter? Really tasted butter? It is AMAZING. Thank you, Dr. Merrell for insisting that butter be kept in our apartment. You have given me something I need in the same way that I need bacon. You have opened my eyes to a whole new world, Disney style.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Hair Cut

Since my birth, my hair has been an issue. I've seen pictures of cherubic babies with a fake bow plastered to their adorable little heads... enter baby picture of me, fake bow ensnared in a tangled mass of something resembling thick seaweed. Yep, my hair. At first I played the game with my hair, I attempted to tame it, but eventually I had to concede that I fought the good fight and call it a day. But where am I going with this, you ask?

This Saturday I got a hair cut. I've gone to the same professional for my hair cuts for years, and she's never let me down. She always manages to make my hair look better than it has a right to. This time I asked her to cut it much shorter than usual. She graciously complied. She did show me what seven inches looked like, I think she doubted my resolve... at any rate, we did the cut and I think it looks great. Yep, no false humility here, the hair looks great. I got compliments. Stewed Slacker said it looked nice. The Beardocrat even said so...
Wait a minute! Then I remember, the age old hair cutting rule. NO ONE TELLS YOU YOUR HAIR CUT LOOKS BAD! I, myself, have been guilty of telling a girl I liked her hair cut when I REALLY thought it looked horrible. I mean BEYOND horrible.
And then I remember, this is still ME here, and I am narcissistic enough to like my hair independent of what others think.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Internet Etiquette Class 3- substitute teacher


All right class... as you can see, today we have a substitute who comes to us from the very special land of K-Can Alaska, where he hikes, he kayaks, and spends hours contemplating the meaning of life by watching his lava lamp. He also reports and fights crimes. In his spare time he teaches classes about the internet.
He brings to you Class 3: The Engagement

Yes, we know you are in love. Yes, there are times when we wouldn't
mind seeing you — dare I say it — kiss. However, those times are
extremely rare (the odds are better for the Detroit Lions to have a
winning season than for us wanting to see you kiss. For you non-
sports fans the odds are better that a guy not dragged to Twilight by
a significant other will say he liked the movie) and should be kept
from the online world.

So if you are planning to post engagement photos online, here's a few
rules to abide by:

Don'ts
• Never post a picture of you and significant other smooching,
canoodling, smacking or whatever the kids are calling it these days.
Even Eskimo kisses, are a no-no.

• Especially don't post pictures where one of you are hanging upside
down and you are kissing. In fact, make sure both of you are in the
same vertical direction.

• Make sure we can't see your tongue.

• No matching shirts, especially ones with flags on them; but please
keep your shirts on.

• No gimmicks. No peeking around the corner, hugging a tree or a pole
for that matter, and again stay right-side up.

• No pets, photographers, children, trucks, tractors, or other
inanimate object that could be construed as your second love.

• Stay out of wheelbarrows, the ocean, lakes and rivers for the shot.

• Guys, don't touch her butt for the shot. Gals, stay clear of the
crotch.

• No cheesy jumping up in the air, and no strangling — fake or real.

Do's (There's only one):

• Post pictures where you both look like a happy, normal couple.
(please no fake smiles)

Follow these simple rules and you'll stay off the Facebook Page,
Awkward Engagement Pictures Rock My Socks. The link for that page is
here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2261419669

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Half Asian Babies

Confession time here at CPR. I must say, of everything that I most enjoy in the world, few can assure my happiness like the sighting of an adorable half Asian baby... I LOVE them. I tend to like most all little/cute things. Baby ducks, kittens w/ tiny hats, otters, that sort of thing. Yet nothing, nothing, can get me like a cute half Asian baby. Full on Asian babies are cute, but the half Asians are lethal. Take our neighbors. She is from Taiwan and he is from... not necessarily sure, but the North American Continent portion that isn't Mexico. They have three children; Skyler, Bryce, and Summer. Skyler and Bryce are pretty funny in their own right, but they are not babies, even though they ARE half Asian. Summer, on the other hand, is almost TOO ADORABLE FOR WORDS. Am I gushing? I'm gushing... but if you saw this kid, you'd gush to. She has not yet mastered any form of coherent speech but she is very coordinated and SO smiley. So yes, people, if you see me out and about I will probably be pointing out cute half Asian babies to those who are with me.